So. An old year has passed, and a new one has begun. An event like this can certainly be cause for reflection - and I am no exception to this result.
A new year can be seen as many things. A time of fresh perspective, multiple opportunities, potential adventures, another year to add to life...just to name a few. And the passing of an old year can be seen as having the chance to learn from what we experienced; not to let our past hinder us, but instead give it the room to shape us into better people, to help us learn what not to do in certain areas (and what to do in others). And both the passing and coming of years gives us the chance to be thankful for so many things: new friend, the continuation of old friendships, family, life...who knows what else, because there's so much to be grateful for.
It is an intense experience for me to look back on this past year, and see where I have come from. Starting out 2011 with traveling out of the States for the first time in my life. Spending two months abroad in three different countries on a missions trip; discovering a lot about myself and some of the less-than-lovely aspects of my personality in some situations because of that. But also having the chance to live in a different culture, and to start friendships with people who live half-way across the world from me.
Then there was coming back home, and getting used to being back in an environment different than the one that I had been living in for seven months. Back home where the struggles that I had been freed from, held the strongest reminisce. It definitely took a few months for me to get back into the swing of "normal" living (especially since change itself is something that is hard for me to used to).
Another aspect of being back home was because it's where God was calling me to be. To love my family - but, more specifically - to love my mom. I've never really gotten along with her, and there have been some rough run-in's in the past. During my time of attending my DTS, and praying that God would give me His eyes to see others as He sees them, and to give me His heart to love others as He loves them, He showed me that until I'm able to love my own family, fully and completely with His heart, I wouldn't be able to fully love those who aren't family. So that was a big reason (the only reason, really) for my returning back home.
In April/May, there was the family road trip: crossing four states to reach the Midwest to visit some of my older siblings, and see one of them graduate from college. That was a very trying time. Exhausting, drama-filled, and I was definitely not up to par spiritually-wise. It's not the fondest memory I have of the year.
Occasionally, there were the trips down to the little coastal town a few hours away to visit relatives and multiple friends, as well as getting a break from home and all its changes, and just resting, seeking God, and getting re-energized. A couple of those trips resulted in quietly going back home much sooner than expected due to one reason or another. (Okay, so sometimes I have a flare for the dramatic...it's definitely toned down from the level it was at back when I was in high school. Ha.)
And then in the summer returned two old acquaintances of mine - school and work. I took a few summer college courses online, to get back into that little niche. Also, my dad needed my help at his business, so I was there quite a bit as well. I was quite a bit more diligent in work, going when he needed me, not complaining as I did when I was younger. My perspective changed. I saw it as an opportunity, and took advantage of it. More than just an opportunity though, it was God giving me the chance to be faithful in something, and I think I proved that I could be faithful to work when it was needed.
Through the experience of work, I realized, with my newly shined lens on life, that I needed to pay tithes. You would think growing up in a Christian home all my life would mean that I already knew that I should do something like that, but it didn't. (You'd think it would have had even more of an effect being a preacher's kid, but it still didn't.) So I began to do that. Every check, every gift of money, any and all sources of finances...I payed tithes. Joyfully. It is because I was beginning to see that my source of income was only happening because God was giving me those opportunities. So with that amazing realization, I was decidedly determined (and still am) to give back to God, what He's given to me. And I love doing it.
Summer came and went. The fall semester of college started. All of my classes [again] were online, because I was still getting used to being back in a learning environment (in the case of schooling, classes, and regular homework, inter alias).
There was also the discovery, via my sister, of an amazing, encouraging, overall wonderful Bible study that takes place on Wednesdays, and I began happily attending.
Another significant occurrence was that of God providing a semi-regular job. I say semi-regular, because it's only every other Saturday. I have the wonderful opportunity to get on my knees and scrub, clean, and make everything sparkle at a little barber shop in my city. When that opportunity presented itself, I saw it as God saying "You've been faithful in giving to me more than what I ask of you to in tithes, so I'm going to - once again - prove My faithfulness to you, and give you this job for some income that you need."
My sister was another wonderful thing about this year. After graduating from college, and then returning to Israel for her third time, she came home the day before my birthday. And she's been home since. It's been a little rough at times having her back, because we've both changed (me, more than her, because I'm not who I was at all when she left home for college). But I've loved having her back. She's good for me. Most of the time I'm serious, and I approach life that way. She gets me out of that mode. Makes me laugh a lot, makes me sound way more obnoxious than I really am, gets me out of the house sometimes to be social (otherwise it really would never happen). I'm so thankful for her, and for her being able to be home for a few months, instead of her normal time of a couple of weeks or so. And in March, she'll be shipping off to boot camp for Marines, so I'm trying to get as much time with her as I can. :)
In the midst of such a crazy and event-filled year, between all the ups and downs of my spiritual life, and during all the harsh and beautiful moments of life, God was there. He's been there for every bit of it. I've learned so many things from Him. Some highlights are as follows:
- No matter how many times I've left Him, abandoned Him, denied Him, or whatever the situation may be, He Himself has remained faithful to me. (2 Timothy 2.11-13)
- He is my provider. From giving me a small source of income because I was proving faithful through paying my tithes, to answering a prayer about money. (It was actually getting Government funding for school...money which, by all natural standpoints and circumstances, should not have been granted to me...but it was all the same.)
- He's given me so much more grace than I deserve. Which is why it's called grace (or unmerited favour). I don't deserve it, yet He has given it to me, is giving it to me, and will continue to give it to me. (Now we're working on me extending that same grace - and more - to those around me, whether they deserve it or not).
- He showed me how to be perfected in love, that I might not dwell in fear. I've had some pretty big fear issues in the past...the biggest one being the fear of death. When reading the book of 1 John multiple times one week in March, I was reading over the verse that says perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4.18). In wondering how to be perfected in love so that all fears would leave me, I was reading over chapter four, and a few verses prior to verse 18, it gives the answer! It says "...If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us (verse 12)." What a wonderful realization, and one that has been so relevant to my life, especially being back home and learning to love my family with God's heart.
- Prayer. It's such a powerful tool - it can be argued that it's the most powerful tool that we, as Christians, have access to. It can change people, change nations, change the spiritual realm. It's incredible, and I'm sure I've barely scratched the surface in my discovery of just how powerful it is.
- The armour of God. I realized how vitally important it is that I arm myself with it every single day. Because on the days that I don't, I'm more susceptible to attacks from the enemy - whether it be him trying to push depression back on me, getting irritated easily, or any other number of things. It's a good thing to remember that we are always in a spiritual battle, and if we don't properly arm ourselves, it can only bode ill.
- God uses me. And I'm so humbled by it. He can use me to pray for others, to encourage them, or even to just lend a listening ear. I want Him to continue to use me in any way possible, without my own self getting in the way (or my pride, which is even more likely). He's spoken through me to encourage others in such minor, and even major, ways that have helped them in some way, shape, or form. And when I find out about times when I've talked with someone, or even just said something that I didn't think mattered at the time, God has taken what I've said or done, and used it to help a friend. Every time I think about it, I am so honoured that He would choose to use me in such ways, as small as they may seem. Because they aren't small to the people who have been affected, and they aren't small to me, because any way that He can use me to reach others, is something that I am willing to have happen.
I'll leave it at that for now. Those are only some of the highlights that I can think of, but I'm sure there's so much more that God's done - both big and small, but all significant. I'm so grateful for everything that has passed with 2011.
And so here's to the new year, my dear, dear friends. Here's to a year that beholds the unknown. Here's to a year that is filled with seemingly impossible dreams waiting to be fulfilled. Here's to a year that is just waiting to be lived. Here's to a year that holds the unthinkable.
Here's to the past; not that we might live in it, in it's regrets and mistakes, but that we may learn from our less-than-honourable choices, and use them as road maps to guide us to make better choices. Here's to the present; may we use it properly in the sense of not letting such a gift go to waste. Here's to the future; no matter what it may have in store, we know that we can remain in God's peace, because when we surrender our lives to Him, He will make sure to keep us safe, healthy, joyful, prosperous, and every other wonderful thing.
“My love be with you all in Christ Jesus.”
- 1 Cor. 16.24
