Secret Dreams

All day today I have spent feeling absent-minded, distracted, in my own world, my heart pounding.

I've been dreaming of the future.

I'm sure there that most of us have secret dreams that we wish we could live out.  Things that we wouldn't waste another breath before saying yes to, if all the circumstances were right.  Things that we don't bother chasing because of one reason, one excuse, that is in the way of our ability to go hard and fast after what we really want to do.

Over the years, there have been many things that I've wanted to become, to do with my life.  But, as time goes on, those things have changed.  Still, a few of those dreams still linger in the back corner of my mind.

At work today, I spent most of my spare time pondering one of the things that I wanted to be when I was younger.  Something that is still a secret dream of mine today, should I be forced to admit it.  People have told me that I should enter into this particular field of work, and I jokingly agree with them (while seriously wishing that I could have this particular job).  I did some research on what it would take to go into this field, and, as expected, the requirements and guidelines are heavy.  However, they are still attainable.  Which means it's a possibility for me to actually make it into that line of work.

And so I spent today dreaming about what would happen should I actually seek to make it into that kind of work industry.  My heart pounded.  I felt sick to my stomach.  But I also felt really, really excited.  It is completely out of my comfort zone.  Something that I have dreamed of doing on and off throughout the years, but never seriously considered.  It was as though it was an unattainable goal for me.  But researching it, poking my nose around to see what it actually entails, made me realise that it could actually be possible.

Though, as I mentioned already, thinking about it makes me feel sick to my stomach.  It would require doing things new and unknown to me.  Adventure, travel, and the like.  Perhaps some risk and danger.  As a loudly-proclaimed homebody who is hobbit-like in the sense of disliking adventure, it is exactly the opposite of what I would seek to do.  At the same time though...it is something I think I would excel in; something I would really love to do.

So who knows?  It's a dream.  Like all dreams, no matter how crazy they seem, it is attainable.  I figure at the very least, I can make plans for the next five years, including trying to get into this profession.  Applying, and if it works out, it works out!  If not, I can say that I tried.  And even if I try and it works out, I can still change my mind.  It's not set in stone, it's not the only path I will be allowed to stay on for the rest of my life.

I think it is time to seek and pray and listen.  To make plans, to have goals set, but to be willing to change what needs to be changed to fit God's will.  If the time isn't now, or isn't in the near future, that doesn't mean that it won't ever be time.  It just means that I will have to remind myself to wait and be patient.

Now.
Back to dreaming.