I am beginning to realise how a relationship - of any kind - cannot grow unless the environment of that relationship is one which plants trust and safety and respect and understanding...and nurtures these traits and allows them to grow.
If a person bares their soul, if they force themselves to talk about something that takes every ounce of their strength to share, if they openly say "I'm hurting" or "I feel..." or anything that makes them vulnerable, and their vulnerability is met with judgement and harsh criticisms and they aren't heard, then the likelihood of that person ever sharing again to the one who responded in such manners, decreases exponentially.

I know for me personally, I tend to shut down and not give anything a second chance if I feel unheard.  If I feel like I'm not being understood.  (I don't need you to be able to relate, but just accept, and understand.)

If I have a relationship (friendship or romantic) with someone, and I don't feel safe enough to talk about anything and everything, there is a problem.  A good relationship, a healthy one, should create an environment of safety and understanding and respect.  You should always feel heard.  You should feel confident in the fact that your "no" will be taken as a no, and your "yes" will be taken as a yes.  No arguments, no fights, no being told you're wrong or your decision doesn't make sense if you can't explain it.  You know you are respected enough to be listened to, and your decisions respected.

There is such a large and noticeable difference in a relationship where you feel comfortable sharing some things, but not everything because you know you won't be heard and understood; and in a relationship where you know you can talk about your deepest secrets and your darkest shames, knowing you won't be judged, knowing you are safe, knowing you are still loved.

But if you are in a relationship of the former, where you don't feel completely safe, the growth and health of that relationship is stagnant.  And you feel trapped. And things need to change.

I don't know where I was going with this.  I'll probably delete it later, since I can't follow my earlier thought process.

Oh well.