I'm here, but I'm not.

For those of you who are aware of the Myers-Briggs personality types, mine is an IxTJ.  Meaning I can switch back and forth between the S and N.  One main aspect of my INTJ personality, is the "out of body" mentality INTJ's have.  Don't misunderstand, it's not some spiritual mumbo-jumbo "out of body" experience thing.  It's more so like my mind and my body are so disconnected, that often I ignore how my body feels, because my mind is elsewhere.  It's distracted, I'm constantly lost in my head and among my own thoughts, I can't tell you specifically why or how my body feels off, all I know is that it just is.

That being said, the past week or so, my mind has been so extremely disconnected from my body, that I know I'm here and I'm living and breathing and alive, but it doesn't feel like it.

I find myself driving somewhere, and try to remind myself that I'm here, that I'm in this place, that I'm alive, but the disconnect is so great, nothing really feels real.

I don't feel real.

And more and more the disconnect grows.
My mind is in a fog, I'm disoriented, dizzy, distracted.


It doesn't help that it's July...


I keep trying to make myself realise I'm here.
That I exist.
That I need to take care of myself, need to eat and drink water and exercise.

But it doesn't help.
I'm in such a stupor that, essentially, I'm a walking zombie.

Life is a dream from which I cannot wake.


...and how desperately I want this dream to end.