Time.
It's a limited thing.
We only have so many days, weeks, years to live before our time is up.
It's not a guarantee.
We are not promised tomorrow.

I have been hyper aware of my mortality since I was 14.  I know that I'm going to die someday.  And so by this knowledge, I know that my time on this earth is limited.

Which makes me look to the future.  To look to the end goal.  What am I doing now, in my everyday life, that will bear fruit and goodness in my future?

Certainly not wasting time.  Not spending minute after minute glued to my phone screen, my computer screen, ignoring the beauty around me, and the loved ones who are present with me.


On one hand, knowing that time is so precious, it makes me think I should let everything go.  Because at the end of the day, knowing that the people I love are safe, knowing that I get to be with them, should be enough.  And if that's enough, I shouldn't worry about issues that arise or ongoing problems that need to be solved...right?

But on the other hand, those problems don't go away.  They will never be magically fixed.  The only way to improve and make things better and be rid of problems is to work to solve them.  Which is why I find myself fighting so often and so hard to try to fix fucking everything, because I don't want these issues to continue, thus wasting the limited time that I have!


Years ago I decided that when I was out with friends, intentionally spending time with people I love, that I would not give attention to my phone.  Yes, if an important check in text was needed, that was one thing, but I would not keep whipping out my phone while with my friend(s).  What message does that send?  "Hey, I tell you you're important to me, but see my action here?  Yeah, this one where I keep pulling out my phone to mindlessly check it, practically unaware that I'm doing it?  Yeah, this is me wordlessly screaming at you that you are, in fact, not that important to me."

Fuck that.

But what happens when you're in a relationship with someone?  Yes, you are intentionally spending time with them, but eventually it becomes a routine thing, spending time with them.  So maybe that rule doesn't apply as much.  But to get so comfortable with someone to where you end up being on your phone 90% of the time when you're with them?  Well.  That begins to send a pretty clear message.


Technology can be our downfall.  I know I'm guilty of it.  Routinely checking my phone, my apps, my social media platforms, seeing if anyone is paying attention to me (ironic, as I hate attention).  Every so often I am re-awakened to the fact that I'm on my phone too much, so I make it a point to consciously set it aside.  I refuse to let myself be attached to it.  I will leave it in other rooms as I go someplace else in my house, because it doesn't need to be with me all the time.

At the end of the day, yes.  Knowing the people I love are safe?  That's what's important.  But what's also important is that the limited time I have is not wasted.  So instead of repeated fights about the same things over and over again, I will push to solve the problem(s), to find solutions, so that my time is not wasted on what's wrong and what needs to be fixed, but rather focused on what matters and what's important: the people I love.