You ever just sit and question and wonder why the fuck you're still alive and what has prevented you from ending it already?

Because I do.
Goddamn do I wonder that.

If we're being completely honest?
On the surface it seems like things are okay and I'm happy and I have my shit together.
But really...I still want to die.
Oh how I want to die.
And not be here.
Alive.
Living this unknown hell.

Ha.
Alcohol may not be a good idea, but it's better than nothing.
Fuck antidepressants.
And life.
And not knowing.
And being sad and broken all the time.
Stuck in a routine and not caring enough but caring too much.
For failing and falling short and eventually not living up to expectations.
For panicking and wanting to run and wondering what the fuck am I actually doing.

I just want to die.
I. Just. Want. To. Die.

Is this nightmare over yet?