My mind is so overwhelmed, and I don't even know where to begin to sort things out.
I suppose for some people it's a good thing for things like massive change to happen quickly in their lives.  To just go, go, go, make things happen, get it done and over with, and move on.

...I am not one of those people.

I just got done packing up all my shit and moving from a place I lived a little over a year and a half, to moving to a place I am mostly unfamiliar with, but have a little idea of the location.

However.
While I mostly (yeah, it's complicated) have a job lined up, I definitely do NOT have a place to live yet.
And after driving almost 500 miles to move, I unloaded all of my things (not as nicely packed as I would have preferred) into a storage locker.
And then continued to proceed to the very place I initially moved from in order to get away.  Because it was a horrible, toxic environment, in which I have a love-hate relationship with.

And so here I am.
Back in an old place.
And I feel myself dying inside.

I look around and I hate what I see.
Every day I sink more and more inside myself, to try to protect the little mental sanity I've gained while being gone.
The weather only adds to my already low-key desire of wishing I was dead everyday.

And that is all that is in front of me.

Let's not forget the fact that once I'm done here, I leave to go back to a brand new place.
With no place to live.
No covered building to call my "home" and make my own safe space.
Nothing solid to hold on to, to return to, nothing unmovable that helps keep me sane.
Just a bunch of question marks and unknowns and lots of wanting to die when I wake up because my mind is just too overwhelmed and I want to shut down because I can't handle any of this.

It's really fun, in case you were wondering.
Having nothing solid, feeling the life sucked out of you from your surroundings, and wanting to die all the time.

Anyway.

Lots going on in my life.
But also just the same death-wish.
(Only a lot stronger right now.)