I've been thinking about respect.  And boundaries.  And how sometimes we pass off a lack of respect as a "mom" trait.

Do you know what I mean?  Like, if your mom asks if you if you want this or that, you say "no, thanks" but she gives it to you anyway?  Or you have friends or people you know that are seen as the "mom friend" because apart from the obvious role they play in being the responsible one, they also push things on you even if you say no.


I get, on one hand, that a person doing this is trying to take care of you.  To ensure that you're eating enough, staying hydrated, taking care of your body (in whatever way that looks like).  But at the same time, I also know that when someone doesn't acknowledge your "yes" or "no," that it's kind of a subtle form of disrespect.  Of saying "I know you said no, but I know what's best for you, even though I'm not you, so I'm going to push this on you anyway, because I really do know better than you."


I remember being younger and having dreams of people not respecting me when I told them "yes" or "no" and how incredibly furious I would get in my dreams.  But I would keep that anger in, because I wasn't ever taught how to deal with anger when I felt it.  Not much of a difference from when I was awake, to be honest.  Any anger I felt was kept inside.

But that's a moot point.


What are we telling people when they tell us "no" but we insist anyway?
I mean, that's usually the case.  I can't ever think of a situation where someone actually answers "yes" and then doesn't get what they asked for.

Frankly, I think seeing it as a "mom" trait is a good bullshit cover for what it really is: a lack of respect.

I can recall in a relationship I had where I would tell the person "no" on things, and even though it wasn't something physical that was presented (food, water, etc.), they still kept pushing and pushing and honestly?  Their actions cut deep.  It hurt me, because they were showing me they didn't respect me.  At all.  Because they wouldn't just let my no be "no."


And maybe yeah, society has trained us all to realise that people play mind games.  That girls actually mean "yes" when they say "no."  That people generally just say "no" out of politeness, maybe, but really, their true answer is "yes."  Etc. etc.


But as someone who tries to say what I mean, and mean what I say, when I say "no?"  I really mean "no."
And I know about 99.9% of the population does, in fact, not at all mean what they say, nor do they rarely say what they mean, but I am going to take you at your word.
If you tell me "no," I'm not going to push.  You said no, I am going to take it that you meant that "no," and I am going to respect you and honour that "no."


"Mom trait" or not, I think changes need to be made on both sides.  For the person saying "no": make sure you mean it.  Don't expect the person asking to be able to read your mind, because news flash: mind reading isn't possible.  If you really mean yes, say yes.  And for the person who is asking: if the other person tell you "no," leave it at that.  Acknowledge that they said no, and give them the respect they deserve by honouring their "no."


Anyway.
Respect people, whether they say yes or no.
Don't push things on them.
Don't think you know better, or even know what's best for them.
(Spoiler: the person who usually knows what's best for them, is that person themselves.)

Just...let people say no.

(But also give people the space to change their mind, too.)