Sometimes people get married.

And generally, when this ceremony, this commitment, this covenant, takes place, it's usually implied that you are vowing to love this person for the rest of your life.

The rest of your lives.

After all, you become forever linked with them.  They are an extension of you.  Everything you do and say affects them, now, too.

You may not be promising to be "in love" with them for forever, but to love them.

(There is a huge difference.)

(This is not the point of this post.)

Part of these vows - whether you say them or not - include loving and cherishing the person.

For better or worse.

Whether richer, or poorer.

In health...and in sickness.

But let's back up.

When someone tells you they sincerely care about you, that they want to help you get better (both with physical health and mental health), do they mean it for forever?

Or do they mean it when it's easy, when it's not an inconvenience for them, when they think that you'll get better within the assumed timeline in their head?

What if someone tells you those things?

What if someone promises to spend a lifetime loving you and cherishing you, regardless of the circumstances?

You want to believe them...right?

But it turns out, maybe they only meant that within certain parameters.

When things are easy.

When it's convenient.

When you make them happy.

Otherwise, they really don't care.

And by default, they don't really love you.

After all, how can you believe someone who swears they love you, that they want you, that you matter, when the same person who tells you these things, also tells you that they don't like being around you when you're depressed?

Or how they don't like being around you if you can't make them happy, or feel good about themselves?

(We are definitely not going to get into how THAT'S a toxic mindset, or how it's wrong, or any of the other number of issues that come with basing your happiness on someone else.)

Turns out, they don't truly love you.

They only love you when you have good days, when you make them happy, when it's convenient.

They don't love you through the hard days.

They don't love you unconditionally, with the understanding that maybe you'll never conquer your demons, that bad days will happen, but they'll stand with you regardless.

Nope.

On the bad days, they're sure to remind you that they don't like being around you.

So what does that mean for you?

Especially when you're depressed all the time?

I'm starting to think that maybe it means that someone like me would be better off not being married.

Because chances are, you won't find someone to love you no matter what.

To weather the storms of life with you.

To sit with you in your sadness.

To be there with you.

In health.

Or in sickness.