Journal Revelations (Part IV)

The following post is the fourth and last excerpt from my journal when I went on my two-month outreach to Turkey, Georgia, and Azerbaijan with my DTS team.  The date is included when it was written.

26/1/2011

Outreach has been…well, its been outreach. Easy in some ways, but hard in others. Easy in the sense of what we’ve been going. We’ve visited the girls in Hope Haven and spent time with them. We visited a place where there are elderly people, children, and “mental” patients. I say “mental,” because of how corrupt this country is, probably half of them are actually sane. We’ve gone to the ILC (International Learning Center) for conversation café from 3-8:00 p.m. Some have visited an orphanage. Others went and prayed for healing and encouragement over the Hope Haven staff. Yesterday, Lanae and Marissa went with Tammy to pray for the sick. Today we’re going treasure hunting. Basically, the things we’re doing aren’t that difficult or trying.

On the spiritual side, however, things have been hard. It seems as if the enemy is attacking the team in some of the most easy, simply ways. So easy, in fact, that they don’t even recognize it – most believers don’t, but it is the downfall of so may. Sickness is one of the attacks.

So many Christians are so comfortable with dealing with sickness – whether it be a cold, cough, sore throat, fever, flu, etc. To most, the mindset is “oh, this is so common. I’ll be well in a few days, and then I can get back to doing what needs to be done.” What so many don’t realize, and never realize, I believe, is that we arechildren of God – sickness should not be allowed to harbor in our bodies. Of course, we live in a fallen world, and sickness is par of it, but we “are not of the world, just as [Jesus is] not of the world.” (John 17.16) So having sickness in our bodies, and becoming sick shouldn’t even be a possibility.

I believe it is the desire of many Christians to pray for the healing of others and see major miracles happen. I don’t doubt that it’s in God’s will for all to be healed – but the basis for that to happen is determined by numerous factors. Of course there’s the obvious ones, like if the person being prayed for has enough faith, or if the person praying has enough faith. I think there’s more to it though.

As I mentioned before, everyone is born with a certain amount of faith (but that’s not to say it can’t be increased). And because we’re children of God, we should never be sick. I believe we all have enough faith to pray and believe for our own healing – but so many are willing to deal with it, that they don’t. I think God wants us to live a constant lifestyle of health and wholeness and to prove that what we believe is true, before He would allow us to see major miracles happen by the laying on of our hands. In a more simply put way, we need to pray for our own healing and live a life with no sickness before God will work though us to heal others. It could even go as far as when we conquer one sickness (ex. a cold), and no longer struggle with it, we have the authority to pray that over others and see them get healed.

So aside from that little rabbit trail, there is another way besides sickness that the enemy has been attacking our group with – disunity. Of course, as in every group, this group has a couple of odd people, the “strange” and “socially awkward” ones. For those who aren’t as focused on God as they should be, they get easily irritated with these people, and aren’t as loving towards them as they should be. But it isn’t just with those who are the odd-ones-out. It can be pretty easy to become irritated with anyone. Especially those who are quite opinionated and think things should be done a certain way. At any rate, it’s definitely an easy way to get attacked.

I, myself, have been under attack as well. There’s been the sickness, of course. But other things have happened as well. The first week we were in Baku, I was totally not myself. I was complaining a lot, getting extremely irritated with people, and even felt depression returning at times (and with that, going so far as to find myself restoring back to old thought patterns and excuses).

It was really hard to kick. I put my armour on every morning, and would rebuke the enemy, and thank God for my victory and freedom, but it still didn’t seems as though anything was changing. I know that I didn’t fight as much as I should have though. Things are better now though; and what God has been showing me has helped. A thought that I had that sparked me writing about being attacked though, was: ‘I’m on outreach, so of course I’m being attacked more than usual!’ But then I realized that whenever I’m in God’s perfect will, I’ll always be attacked. Which made me remember that I’m always in a battle – and it’s imperative to put on my armour every morning without fail.

Journal Revelations (Part III)

The following post is the third excerpt from my journal when I went on my two-month outreach to Turkey, Georgia, and Azerbaijan with my DTS team.  The date is included when it was written.

24/1/2011

Prayer. Talking with God…what a wonderful privilege. This is something else that has been brought to my attention in my own life. If prayer is talking with God, than why am I not hearing Him talk back? I need to enter into times of prayer expecting to hear God respond to me. Making it a point to actually listen. Really, if I ask Him question, I should be fully expecting answers, not just half-heartedly.

It’s not just entering into prayer with the expectation of getting an answer. It’s also talking more with Him; because, in all honesty, I don’t talk enough with Him. And, as much as I don’t want it to happen, I think I’m entering into a new season. At the beginning of DTS, and the week with Larry that was focusing on the Father heart of God, I began to realize that my perception of God as a Father was distorted. So I began to fix my view of Him; and to work on seeing Him for who He is. Healing has happened in that area and I see Him for the Father that He is…but there is still work to be done in that area. I believe that the season of seeing Him as a Father, and talking with Him as such, is ending. I don’t know exactly what the next season is going to entail, but whatever it is, I know His best is in it.

All of those things are fine and well, but aside from needing to talk more with my Father, I also need to widen the subjects that I discuss with Him. For instance, to being loving my friends more, I can pray for them and for God to reveal Himself to them. I can pray for those around me that I know. I can pray for my family. I can pray for those who are struggling. I can pray for other countries, as well as my own. There is so much to pray for, and new subjects always arise, I wonder how people could say they don’t know what to pray for. I guess for me it’s not the issue of what to pray for, but how to pray. Of course there’s the example of the Lord’s Prayer, but it doesn’t seem to me to apply to praying for all things. I won’t hesitate to pray, but I feel as though I won’t be as effective…maybe not that, but kind of not wanting to suck up, to get it wrong….entering into it with the right heart, basically.

Being a servant. This is something that I started doing a little bit before DTS (due to something Dylan said to me), but after it started, the first or second (or even third) Sunday night at youth, God began speaking to me a little bit about what He was calling me to in my future – generally wise though. One of the things He was saying was to serve the other students – and even the staff – during DTS. But being a servant isn’t just for the duration of DTS – it’s supposed to be living a lifetime of servant hood. I have to say, for the most part I enjoy it. Doing things that are behind the scenes and people not realizing that I did it…I get a kick out of it. Washing dishes, cooking, cleaning…anything and everything. And being able to server with a joyful countenance…mmhm.

I heard before though, that to be in a place of leadership, you must first learn to serve. And even after you become a leader, you are still in a position of being a servant. When I heard this, it made me realize that by God calling me to serve and be a servant, He may be preparing me to be in a position of leadership in the future…which would make sense, referring back to the prophecy that Jasen spoke over me. At any rate, it’s something to keep in mind – but to still serve and always serve…with joy.

More and more I realize how powerful words are. It’s something that I’ve heard all my life, but the truth of it hit me when I was volunteering at the Land. It hit me again during DTS when I realized that my sarcastic humour wasn’t as funny as I though – nor did it build people up. And from a conversation that I had with Dylan a few nights ago, I was once again reminded.

There really is the power of life and death in the tongue. Words can be used to build up or tear down. Realizing this made me decide to stop the sarcastic humour/comments. For the most part I have, but not quite fully.

By nature, I’m not really one to waste words, and I tend to not talk a lot…unless I’m with someone I’m really comfortable with, have a point/observation to make on a subject matter, and the only time I mindlessly ramble is when it’s really late and I’m really tired, or am sick. The point is, is that, in my opinion, I don’t tend to waste my words.

I know I need to think before I speak. Father, help me to do that! To get to the point of surrender in my life, that even before I speak, I would pray and ask you for wisdom in the words to say! Help me to remember to think before I speak. Remind me that whatever I do in word or deed, it all should bring glory to You…that everything I say or do is a reflection of You.

I want to encourage, to exhort, to build other up with the words I speak. That when I open my mouth to say something, people would drop everything to hear what I say. “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.” (Matthew 12.36) That verse in itself should help me to be even more cautious of the words I speak.  Father, help me to remember this.

Journal Revelations (Part II)

The following post is the second excerpt from my journal when I went on my two-month outreach to Turkey, Georgia, and Azerbaijan with my DTS team.  The date is included when it was written.


22/1/2011

So...in regards to what I wrote about last night about relationships/attractions and whatnot. I feel the need to just reiterate some of what I wrote. I am so happy, so happy, that my Father has spoken to me and revealed truths to my heart. I take joy in my relationship with Jesus. The fact that I am loved by Him - and desired by Him - brings joy to my heart. I have willingly and gladly given Him my heart; and I'm not taking it back until He gives it to me to give it away. It is such a joy to serve my King and to rest in His peace and presence...to be able to trust Him with my life is something that I am grateful for.

And yet another thing that God has revealed to me. Dylan suggested to me that I should read a chapter in Proverbs everyday, so I have been. Not last night, but the night before, I read chapter 3. Verses 11 and 12 state: "My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, nor detest His correction; for whom the LORD loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.". Isn't it a wonderful thing that our Father loves us too much to leave us the way we are - that He wants to change us for the better. It got me thinking about how much mom and dad corrected me growing up. And by thinking about that, as much as I hated it, it was so necessary, and so needed. I don't know where I would be today without it. I am now so grateful for their choice in doing the right thing. Even more so, though, I am so grateful to my Father for giving me my parents, and for His own gentle correction that is completely out of love. Oh that He loves me enough to change me for the better!

About three days ago, I got an e-mail from dad. It was in reply to an update that I sent out to mom, dad, Rebecca, and Andrew. At the end of my update, I asked for prayer for unity (amongst other things) because it isn't really in our group. And I have to admit, I did complain a little bit about two people (without mentioning names) and their immaturity and closed mindedness. In his reply, he mentioned about how people follow by example...that they won't be pushed into the direction I want them to go. He mentioned that "being led indicates our wills are yielded to Him." He said the people in the group "just need a little more 'help'." He then told me to ask my Father "to help them understand and desire to participate in a manner that will be most effective." He then referenced 1John 5.14, 15 which says: "Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him."

That passage was highlighted in my Bible already - most likely I did it when I was contending for the money for DTS. But when reading it again, the part that says "that if we ask anything according to His will..." really stood out to me. It's almost like, "duh! of course He'll give us what we ask if it's according to His will." But I don't think a lot of people grasp that. They ask for things, both small and big, that they think they need, or want, and don't understand, or get angry, when God doesn't answer their prayers. But He doesn't, because what they were praying for wasn't in accordance to His will for their lives. However, that's not to say that God won't give us anything that we would like (but not necessarily need). We're His children, and as long as we are in His will, He loves giving us the things we ask for - as long as they're good and won't harm our relationship with Him. He loves to lavish gifts upon those He loves.

Thinking about those verses got me thinking (haha). I’ve been thinking a lot about faith lately. It’s been said so many times, but faith really can be used in both positive and negative ways. It can be used to heal, to bring freedom, to believe for things. But there are negative ways too. For instance, a person could repeatedly say “I’m going to die” or “I want to die.” If they say or believe it long enough, it’ll most likely happen. Just like in 10th grade too. The day “The Actors Nightmare” was opening, someone said “Macbeth” in the theatre. Because of that, all the students who were in there believed something bas was going to happen. Sure enough, when Alex was walking home from school that afternoon, he got his by a car.

I realized something else when thinking about faith. Everyone, when they’re born, is born with a measurement of faith. Jesus said with faith the size of a mustard seed we can move mountains. Or course, I’m inclined to think He was talking more of spiritual mountains than physical mountains. If is really takes a measurement that small, than either most don’t have the amount, or they have the potential and just haven’t 1) realized it, 2) harnessed it, or 3) aren’t using it.

Faith is used every day, in practically every area of one’s life. An illustration that I’ve heard quite a bit is that if I were to sit down in a chair, I would be using faith to believe that the chair will hold me up. But it extends to other areas as well – I go to sleep with faith that I will wake up in the morning. It’s such a large subject – and could be pondered on for many more hours.

Journal Revelations (Part I)

The following four posts will be excerpts from my journal when I went on my two-month outreach to Turkey, Georgia, and Azerbaijan with my DTS team.  The dates are included in when they were written.

21.1.2011

So much has happened...and I'll catch up on it soon.  Right now, however, there are more pressing matters.  My Father has been speaking to my heart about quite a few things.  I'll begin with what was on my mind that caused me to write this.

Dad wrote a note on Facebook.  He titled it "Moonlit Boneyard.". He mentioned how Hell is never full...how it expands to make room...how it'll never have a "no vacancy" sign.  He said his adrenalin gets pumping when he thinks of ways to bring it into recession.

Anyways, what he said about it never getting full got me thinking.  I realized just how selfish I am.  How on earth can I call myself a Christian, but not care enough about the souls of others to reveal the truth to them?  How on earth could anyone call themselves a Christian but not be concerned for the souls around them?  Because of my unconcern, it seems to me that I don't love my [secular] friends as much as I should.  It seems to me that I don't love anyone who is unsaved as much as I should.

I need to stop being so selfish.  I need to stop caring about myself and what others think of me.  I say I'm willing to be a fool for for Jesus...but am I really?  What have I done to prove that?  So what if I mess up, make mistakes, don't get it right, say the wrong words?  The point will be that I made the effort...and if I truly have a heart for the people and unconditional love for each individual, than that will show through.  In the song that Sean wrote, he said that God's heart is for every individual to get saved...and he's right.  How can I pray and ask for God's heart and not want to see others saved?

I need and want to cultivate a Christ-like lifestyle.  To get to the point in my life where I tell everyone I meet about God's love.  To walk up to the [physically and mentally] sick on the street and see healings daily.  That when I'm married and have kids, that it will be a normal thing for them to see people healed and raised from the dead.

Oh Father!  To get to that place!  To be unashamed and unafraid.  To truly have Your heart for everyone around me.  To live as Jesus lived.  Give me Your eyes.  Give me Your heart.  Help me.  Guide me into Your perfect will and the calling You have placed on my life.  I desire, above all else, to be fully Yours.  To live for You and You alone.

There's something else that God has shown me.  Just to state for the record, while back home on the Land, I struggled for a while with emotions for someone.  However, I noticed that whenever they weren't around (and by that, I mean gone, not just that I didn't see them on the Land) I didn't really feel anything emotion-wise.  As when I thought about them, it was "oh, nice guy, good friend" kind of thing.  But when I saw them, the attraction would rise up.  Being away for so long though, and having no contact, I - yet again - don't feel anything.  Then again, I haven't allowed myself the luxury of trying to feel anything.  I'm just keeping my focus on God where it needs to and should be.

About three weeks before the lecture phase ended, I was asking my Father to remove the emotions if they weren't from Him.  I believe He has; but I haven't tried to determine if it's permanent, or just for this time so I can focus on the task at hand.  Either way, I'm at peace, because I know He has His best in mind for me.

Before, I would be concerned with the thought of "what if he isn't the right person like I think him to be?"  I don't struggle with that thought anymore.  It's not because I know for certain that he is or isn't.  It just isn't as important as I once thought it to be.  It could be this way because God is preparing someone else for me...or it could be that I'm learning not to worry and to fully trust Him.  I know how strong my desire for marriage was before, and it's changed...it has almost gone in the opposite direction.

Basically, my Father has been showing me several things in regards to this.  Due to some things that need to be worked through, I'm not ready for marriage like I thought.  And learning to fully rely on God and to trust Him is something that I'm grateful for.  I get excited when I think about my future with my Father, and all the great [unknown] plans He has for me.  I would rather be single all my life, living it fully for Him, than to be married and out of His will and plan.

He is teaching me how to be fully satisfied in Him.  Oh, what a wonderful thing it is!  To have the privilege of loving Him...and the honor of being loved by Him...

Strangers...But Not

Have you ever desired to get to know someone, to build a friendship with a person, that you don't even know?  Perhaps it's someone that you see across a crowded room at a friend's gathering, or even someone who is well known.  You don't know how, except by your intuition, that you and that person would make grand friends.  That whether or not you have a lot in common with them, you know that there is a potential for a wonderful, life-long friendship.

Well, I've experienced that feeling.

Truth

Unless a truth is able to penetrate your heart and worm its way down deep enough to affect your core beliefs, the value of that truth is worthless.