Journal Revelations (Part III)

The following post is the third excerpt from my journal when I went on my two-month outreach to Turkey, Georgia, and Azerbaijan with my DTS team.  The date is included when it was written.

24/1/2011

Prayer. Talking with God…what a wonderful privilege. This is something else that has been brought to my attention in my own life. If prayer is talking with God, than why am I not hearing Him talk back? I need to enter into times of prayer expecting to hear God respond to me. Making it a point to actually listen. Really, if I ask Him question, I should be fully expecting answers, not just half-heartedly.

It’s not just entering into prayer with the expectation of getting an answer. It’s also talking more with Him; because, in all honesty, I don’t talk enough with Him. And, as much as I don’t want it to happen, I think I’m entering into a new season. At the beginning of DTS, and the week with Larry that was focusing on the Father heart of God, I began to realize that my perception of God as a Father was distorted. So I began to fix my view of Him; and to work on seeing Him for who He is. Healing has happened in that area and I see Him for the Father that He is…but there is still work to be done in that area. I believe that the season of seeing Him as a Father, and talking with Him as such, is ending. I don’t know exactly what the next season is going to entail, but whatever it is, I know His best is in it.

All of those things are fine and well, but aside from needing to talk more with my Father, I also need to widen the subjects that I discuss with Him. For instance, to being loving my friends more, I can pray for them and for God to reveal Himself to them. I can pray for those around me that I know. I can pray for my family. I can pray for those who are struggling. I can pray for other countries, as well as my own. There is so much to pray for, and new subjects always arise, I wonder how people could say they don’t know what to pray for. I guess for me it’s not the issue of what to pray for, but how to pray. Of course there’s the example of the Lord’s Prayer, but it doesn’t seem to me to apply to praying for all things. I won’t hesitate to pray, but I feel as though I won’t be as effective…maybe not that, but kind of not wanting to suck up, to get it wrong….entering into it with the right heart, basically.

Being a servant. This is something that I started doing a little bit before DTS (due to something Dylan said to me), but after it started, the first or second (or even third) Sunday night at youth, God began speaking to me a little bit about what He was calling me to in my future – generally wise though. One of the things He was saying was to serve the other students – and even the staff – during DTS. But being a servant isn’t just for the duration of DTS – it’s supposed to be living a lifetime of servant hood. I have to say, for the most part I enjoy it. Doing things that are behind the scenes and people not realizing that I did it…I get a kick out of it. Washing dishes, cooking, cleaning…anything and everything. And being able to server with a joyful countenance…mmhm.

I heard before though, that to be in a place of leadership, you must first learn to serve. And even after you become a leader, you are still in a position of being a servant. When I heard this, it made me realize that by God calling me to serve and be a servant, He may be preparing me to be in a position of leadership in the future…which would make sense, referring back to the prophecy that Jasen spoke over me. At any rate, it’s something to keep in mind – but to still serve and always serve…with joy.

More and more I realize how powerful words are. It’s something that I’ve heard all my life, but the truth of it hit me when I was volunteering at the Land. It hit me again during DTS when I realized that my sarcastic humour wasn’t as funny as I though – nor did it build people up. And from a conversation that I had with Dylan a few nights ago, I was once again reminded.

There really is the power of life and death in the tongue. Words can be used to build up or tear down. Realizing this made me decide to stop the sarcastic humour/comments. For the most part I have, but not quite fully.

By nature, I’m not really one to waste words, and I tend to not talk a lot…unless I’m with someone I’m really comfortable with, have a point/observation to make on a subject matter, and the only time I mindlessly ramble is when it’s really late and I’m really tired, or am sick. The point is, is that, in my opinion, I don’t tend to waste my words.

I know I need to think before I speak. Father, help me to do that! To get to the point of surrender in my life, that even before I speak, I would pray and ask you for wisdom in the words to say! Help me to remember to think before I speak. Remind me that whatever I do in word or deed, it all should bring glory to You…that everything I say or do is a reflection of You.

I want to encourage, to exhort, to build other up with the words I speak. That when I open my mouth to say something, people would drop everything to hear what I say. “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.” (Matthew 12.36) That verse in itself should help me to be even more cautious of the words I speak.  Father, help me to remember this.