Journal Revelations (Part II)

The following post is the second excerpt from my journal when I went on my two-month outreach to Turkey, Georgia, and Azerbaijan with my DTS team.  The date is included when it was written.


22/1/2011

So...in regards to what I wrote about last night about relationships/attractions and whatnot. I feel the need to just reiterate some of what I wrote. I am so happy, so happy, that my Father has spoken to me and revealed truths to my heart. I take joy in my relationship with Jesus. The fact that I am loved by Him - and desired by Him - brings joy to my heart. I have willingly and gladly given Him my heart; and I'm not taking it back until He gives it to me to give it away. It is such a joy to serve my King and to rest in His peace and presence...to be able to trust Him with my life is something that I am grateful for.

And yet another thing that God has revealed to me. Dylan suggested to me that I should read a chapter in Proverbs everyday, so I have been. Not last night, but the night before, I read chapter 3. Verses 11 and 12 state: "My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, nor detest His correction; for whom the LORD loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.". Isn't it a wonderful thing that our Father loves us too much to leave us the way we are - that He wants to change us for the better. It got me thinking about how much mom and dad corrected me growing up. And by thinking about that, as much as I hated it, it was so necessary, and so needed. I don't know where I would be today without it. I am now so grateful for their choice in doing the right thing. Even more so, though, I am so grateful to my Father for giving me my parents, and for His own gentle correction that is completely out of love. Oh that He loves me enough to change me for the better!

About three days ago, I got an e-mail from dad. It was in reply to an update that I sent out to mom, dad, Rebecca, and Andrew. At the end of my update, I asked for prayer for unity (amongst other things) because it isn't really in our group. And I have to admit, I did complain a little bit about two people (without mentioning names) and their immaturity and closed mindedness. In his reply, he mentioned about how people follow by example...that they won't be pushed into the direction I want them to go. He mentioned that "being led indicates our wills are yielded to Him." He said the people in the group "just need a little more 'help'." He then told me to ask my Father "to help them understand and desire to participate in a manner that will be most effective." He then referenced 1John 5.14, 15 which says: "Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him."

That passage was highlighted in my Bible already - most likely I did it when I was contending for the money for DTS. But when reading it again, the part that says "that if we ask anything according to His will..." really stood out to me. It's almost like, "duh! of course He'll give us what we ask if it's according to His will." But I don't think a lot of people grasp that. They ask for things, both small and big, that they think they need, or want, and don't understand, or get angry, when God doesn't answer their prayers. But He doesn't, because what they were praying for wasn't in accordance to His will for their lives. However, that's not to say that God won't give us anything that we would like (but not necessarily need). We're His children, and as long as we are in His will, He loves giving us the things we ask for - as long as they're good and won't harm our relationship with Him. He loves to lavish gifts upon those He loves.

Thinking about those verses got me thinking (haha). I’ve been thinking a lot about faith lately. It’s been said so many times, but faith really can be used in both positive and negative ways. It can be used to heal, to bring freedom, to believe for things. But there are negative ways too. For instance, a person could repeatedly say “I’m going to die” or “I want to die.” If they say or believe it long enough, it’ll most likely happen. Just like in 10th grade too. The day “The Actors Nightmare” was opening, someone said “Macbeth” in the theatre. Because of that, all the students who were in there believed something bas was going to happen. Sure enough, when Alex was walking home from school that afternoon, he got his by a car.

I realized something else when thinking about faith. Everyone, when they’re born, is born with a measurement of faith. Jesus said with faith the size of a mustard seed we can move mountains. Or course, I’m inclined to think He was talking more of spiritual mountains than physical mountains. If is really takes a measurement that small, than either most don’t have the amount, or they have the potential and just haven’t 1) realized it, 2) harnessed it, or 3) aren’t using it.

Faith is used every day, in practically every area of one’s life. An illustration that I’ve heard quite a bit is that if I were to sit down in a chair, I would be using faith to believe that the chair will hold me up. But it extends to other areas as well – I go to sleep with faith that I will wake up in the morning. It’s such a large subject – and could be pondered on for many more hours.