Waiting

     In a culture that is so used to instant gratification, waiting is a hard thing for most people.  Waiting in line, waiting to load an internet page, waiting for our dreams to all suddenly come true...none of it is done patiently.  If we're needing an answer for something, we want it now and not later.  We don't seem to understand that sometimes - most times, even - waiting is a good thing.  After all, waiting means exercising patience, and we all know that most people could use more of that (myself included).

     I recently was hired for a second part-time job.  This was a great thing for me! ...At first.  After working at the place for a week or two, I discovered that a few of my coworkers are not as straight as an arrow...if you catch my meaning.  Finding this out has made me question as to whether or not I should really stay at this job and continue working with these people.

     Now please, please do not misunderstand me.  My questioning of if I should stay or not is not based on the individuals themselves (they are nice people, for the record), but whether or not I want to subject myself to the more underlying spiritual issue that is associated with their way of life.  Because it is a spiritual influence on them.

     I woke up one morning and suddenly questioned as to if I should stay with this job or not.  I was confused and conflicted about my reasons to stay or go.  So I called up some family members and told them what was going on, asking them to pray for me.  Along with this, they offered up their voices of wisdom, helping me to continue to see things from a logical standpoint in regards to a decision, should it be left up to me to make.

     Suffice to say, that was about a week ago, and I still don't know what I should do.  Of course I'm not going to be rash and quit because that thought is still on my mind.  My first and foremost desire is to make the decision that is right.  The decision that God wants me to make.  Either to stay and be a light to all of my coworkers, knowing that Jesus will be my strength and keep my mind and spirit protected; or to leave because I need to protect my spiritual health.

     The point I'm trying to make, is that I'm waiting.  Waiting to hear an answer to my question, and for confirmation if I'm not entirely sure of what the answer is.  I am staying where I am and waiting for direction.  I have found myself at times, thinking things out logically, and coming to conclusions of my own as to what I should do.

     But then I have to remind myself: wait.  A decision doesn't have to be made right now.  Perhaps the lesson in all of this is to be content with waiting and not knowing.  Sometimes I'm good at doing this when it comes to things in my future that I don't know about (like where I'll be in five years), but for things that affect me in the more immediate present, I still have to learn to be completely content.

     And even so, perhaps the answer is in my waiting.  Stay.  Right now, I need to be at this job, and I need to be around the people who are a part of it.  So until I hear differently, or get a clear answer, my place is to remain right where I am.