Can it really be that easy? To pick up your life from a place where you’ve planted roots, and move someplace so far away, so new and foreign, to be on your own and surrounded by things unfamiliar? To face so many changes and be without a safety net, to leave behind things that were bad...and good, too, I suppose.

But people do it all the time. They leave home to go to college. They move across the country to be with their “soul mate.” They move to another country for an opportunity to start new, to start fresh, to discover who they are.

They have the strength, the courage, the tenacity to do these things.
Do I?
I’d like to think so. Because as much as I hate change (change I can’t control), I know it’s good, I know it helps me grow, stretch, be. I know the longer I stay, the more comfortable I’ll become, and the less I’ll want to take risks, to move, to continue with life.

At the same time...
I’m ready. I want to go now, to escape, to run away. To start a new adventure, to continue with my life and my future (whatever that is? I don’t know anymore) and see where God takes me. I have dreams and aspirations and goals, but so much is in the air, so many questions are unanswered...all of them, actually. There is so much I don’t know, nothing is solid, everything is in flux and it feels like hope is dwindling.

That’s where You come in though, right? To guide me, to be my strength, to give me hope. In the midst of sadness, of darkness, You are still there, You are my refuge, You are my comfort. The questions may be endless and I may have no answers for what feels like forever, but You are still there through it all. You are still faithful.
I just need to remember not to try to fix things on my own, as I so often try to do when the great difficulties come along, but to look to You. To recognise that my strength will fail, my courage will leave me, my future is unknown. But Your strength will be made perfect in my weakness, courage will come from knowing who I am in You, and my future will still be unknown, but peace will stay with me, because I know that Your plans will be best.

Perhaps it is time to rest, to slow down, to breathe and take a step back. To not panic, not worry, not force things to happen. Remind me to trust in You, to remember the times (oh, how there are so many!) when you’ve been faithful to me and provided in ways I could never expect. You are the one solid, one constant, one unchanging thing in my life. I should never doubt You and Your goodness (but how often do I do so anyways?).

Heal my heart, heal these wounds, strip me down of my pride and “strength.”
As gold is purified through the flames, help me to rejoice in the midst of hurt and pain and all the unanswered questions.
If I weep, let me weep in knowing that You will be my comfort and my help and my guide.


Let me trust You once again.