Call me egocentric, but...I love hearing stories about me and the things I did or the chain of events, decisions, etc. that I caused when I was little.
Just a few months ago I had the pleasure of hearing a story from my dad about me and my love of candy when I was little and a decision that he and my mom contemplated making (but ended up not following through with it). See, when I was little, my sixth sense was being able to tell if there was anything sweet in the house. I had a major sweet tooth. If it existed, I found it. And after finding it, whatever "it" may be, I gobbled it down hours after I had it in my possession. Part of the reason was because I just wanted to eat all of it (it was SOOO good!), but the other reason was because I knew that if I were to get caught with it in my possession and there was still some left, that I would never see it again, and be corrected in some form or another. When this general group of memories of me and my sweet-snatching days were brought up, my dad told me of an interesting (yet relevant) decision he and my mom contemplated. Because I was such a good detective (haha) at finding any and every sweet thing in the house, they discussed possibly getting a safe to lock away all the candy and chocolate that they bought. It would keep me from getting at it (for a time at least...haha ;), and they would also have been able to monitor when and how much who ate of it.
Tonight, I heard yet another interesting story from my years as a child. My dad told me of when he and my mom went to my first parent-teacher conference for my Kindergarten class. He was preparing himself to hear something like "what on earth possessed you to place that child into public school??". When they got there and the teacher began talking to them, she began talking about what a nice, polite, and well-behaved child I was. My dad told me that he actually stood up from where he was sitting, and said "What?" To him, it was a completely unexpected statement/report. At home I was such a terror (I can't even begin to describe to you what a nightmare of a child I was), but at school I was practically an angel.
I loved hearing this story, and thought it to be one of the funniest things ever. It's such a fun thing to hear about the things I did when I was young and my parents reactions to them. It's fascinating in general to hear any stories about anybody from their lives...especially of those who have lived so much longer than I and have such a storehouse of memories and tales from their past.
It's one of those things that if I ever had the opportunity to be able to sit and listen to tales of strangers' pasts, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Saturday 24 September 2011
Saturday 17 September 2011
Goodbye Teenage Years
I have to say, nineteen was a good year. A really good year. It shaped me in numerous ways. It was an adventure into personally experiencing how God provides, His faithfulness to me, who He is as a Father, and so much more. It's by far my favorite year yet (though 17 comes in a close second).
Today was a good day for a birthday. After picking up my sister at the Sac airport coming home from Israel, making a side trip to Fort Bragg, and arriving home at around eleven-ish last night, I worked for my dad into the wee hours of the morning (5 am, to be exact). We got home, I went straight to bed, and woke up at 2 in the afternoon after the much needed sleep. Then after I took a shower, I went back to my dad's shop to help him more. My sister and I then proceeded to visit my grandma - my sister showed her pictures from Israel and Switzerland, and I got a card and present from her (my grandma). Then we headed over to a (I believe) recently-opened locally owned burger joint, with the meal generously bought for us by my older brother. The three of us headed home and began to watch Get Smart. Now I have to make my bed, get to sleep, wake up at six and go help my dad more.
It has been wonderful. Basically like another day in my life. No out-of-the-way efforts, no set-aside hours of all attention focused on me, just another ordinary day...exactly how I like it. Not only that, but I found out that my sister came back when she did for me. She informed me that she could have stayed another week, but scheduled her arrival back in the states when she did for my birthday. AND the present she gave me was a hand-made decent-sized handbag from Jerusalem, and as she gave it to me, she sang the first part of the Relient K song "Must Have Done Something Right." (Lines that I often quote to her). It was wonderful. Also, my older brother who lives out of state took time to stop working for a little bit and call me. I love hearing from him. This day would have been perfect if he was here. Someday in the future, hopefully. :)
I hope this year will be a continuation of the last. More revelations from God, learning to hear His voice more distinctly, continuing to be in His will, learning to see with His eyes, love with His heart, and so much more. I definitely plan on continuing to increase my knowledge in all areas of life that are good and worthwhile, as well as learning the [sometimes harsh] life-lessons that come with living longer. Most importantly, to continue to discover who I am in Christ, to change for the better, and to live completely surrendered to Him.
Father, help me. <3
Today was a good day for a birthday. After picking up my sister at the Sac airport coming home from Israel, making a side trip to Fort Bragg, and arriving home at around eleven-ish last night, I worked for my dad into the wee hours of the morning (5 am, to be exact). We got home, I went straight to bed, and woke up at 2 in the afternoon after the much needed sleep. Then after I took a shower, I went back to my dad's shop to help him more. My sister and I then proceeded to visit my grandma - my sister showed her pictures from Israel and Switzerland, and I got a card and present from her (my grandma). Then we headed over to a (I believe) recently-opened locally owned burger joint, with the meal generously bought for us by my older brother. The three of us headed home and began to watch Get Smart. Now I have to make my bed, get to sleep, wake up at six and go help my dad more.
It has been wonderful. Basically like another day in my life. No out-of-the-way efforts, no set-aside hours of all attention focused on me, just another ordinary day...exactly how I like it. Not only that, but I found out that my sister came back when she did for me. She informed me that she could have stayed another week, but scheduled her arrival back in the states when she did for my birthday. AND the present she gave me was a hand-made decent-sized handbag from Jerusalem, and as she gave it to me, she sang the first part of the Relient K song "Must Have Done Something Right." (Lines that I often quote to her). It was wonderful. Also, my older brother who lives out of state took time to stop working for a little bit and call me. I love hearing from him. This day would have been perfect if he was here. Someday in the future, hopefully. :)
I hope this year will be a continuation of the last. More revelations from God, learning to hear His voice more distinctly, continuing to be in His will, learning to see with His eyes, love with His heart, and so much more. I definitely plan on continuing to increase my knowledge in all areas of life that are good and worthwhile, as well as learning the [sometimes harsh] life-lessons that come with living longer. Most importantly, to continue to discover who I am in Christ, to change for the better, and to live completely surrendered to Him.
Father, help me. <3
Monday 12 September 2011
Practically Impossible Friendships
There have been times in my past where I am aware of a person’s existence. However, they most likely are not aware of mine. Why? Well, for one thing, seeing as how the amount of human population on earth exceeds over 6,850,000,000, it’s very likely that most people in the world are not aware that I exist. And this is a fact that I do not mind the accuracy of at all. But another reason why that person might not be aware that I exist, is because they are well known. And this presents a problem.
I remember in my younger years of life, when I could still afford to throw temper tantrums (but was on the edge of reaching the age that I shouldn’t have those kinds of fits), I had an instance of this situation. I, at the time, was completely and utterly obsessed with Lord of the Rings. And I thought, “Wouldn’t it be crazy amazing to be able to meet the entire cast of that move?” Of course, knowing all the extras and everything else that goes into making a movie, I knew this was impossible, so my hopes were really set on meeting the four hobbit stars of the trilogy. Obviously this never happened.
There are still times when I observe (from a very far distance) the personalities of individuals who are well known in society, and I just know – call it intuition – that that person and I would get along great. So very unfortunately, there are numerous problems with these…desires, dreams, wishes, whatever you’d like to call it…that make it really impossible to ever happen. This is the reality of life.
I suppose there are two ominous factors that out-scream all the other factors. The first, is that I am merely human. You may not see the problem in this, but I do. Most people who, at some point in their life, were like me, with most of the world being ignorant of their existence, are now at the point in their lives to where they are being stocked, obsessed over, dreamt about, you name it, by hundreds of thousands – if not millions – of people. And these people, mere unknown individuals like myself, all have their different reasons for wanting to either meet or build a friendship with these well-known individuals. I think the biggest part of most people wanting to be friends is either bragging rights (“Hey, guess what? I’m friends with so and so!!!”) or even going so low as to use that person (“Hey (insert famous person’s name here)! I have a couple of friends who I have seen in a while, and they want to get in to see you. But they’re broke. And so am I. Do you think you might be able to snag a few VIP passes for them? And for me?”), etc.
Contrary to the intentions of most others, the individuals that I have in mind whilst writing this, I have no other desire to be their friend than for the few simple reasons that I have…
1) I just want to be their friend. Everyone needs a listening ear (or ears) in their life…usually at more than one time. They need someone to lean on, someone to rant to, someone to call in the middle of the night to talk to because they’re lonely, or they need prayer. I want to be that friend. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think that “I’m the answer! I’m the person you’re looking for!” kind of girl. And I’m sure they already have numerous people in their lives that they can already go to for advice, prayer, and all that jazz. But I would like to offer my mere friendship to them, just for their sake. We all need people to encourage us in our lives. And from someone who isn’t well know, doesn’t have lots of pressure on themselves, my perspective on some issues might be able to help. Maybe.
2) There’s just something about these individuals that I know, I know, that we would click. Maybe not right away, but after that “clicking” point, we would indeed get along grandly. I’m not going around looking for friends, or trying to build relationships with people who have influence. If anything, because of the introvert that I am, as well as being an extremely private person, I wouldn’t want people to know that I have connections/friendships with well-known people. Then I would get people coming after me. And that could get draining.
3) Another reason for desiring friendship, is because I care for that person. I love them (as a brother or sister). And I know there are things I can learn from them. And I want them to pass on their wisdom to me…I want to be closely influenced by them, their lifestyles, and – most importantly – their love for God and their relationship with Him. These people that I have in mind have been a big inspiration to me in regards to being so well-known and choosing to still be bold about what they know is true. And I want to be around them (or at least communicate with them) enough to where I would be even more influenced and change even more…for the better.
That covers it for the first huge factor. Merely being human. And the second factor is closely related to that. I am not only a human, but I am a female. And there is a problem with this.
A couple of individuals that I can think of (and desire) to have a wonderful friendship with, are of the male specimen. This proposes a rather uncomfortable and annoying obstacle. Because these individuals are male, and I am female, it could be taken by them (and people in the world), that I am not really seeking friendship, but rather trying to get a relationship with non-specified male. And that is completely opposite of my would-be intentions. That’s one thing I hate about the world and genders. A girl becomes friends with a guy, one of them is possibly well-known, and then everyone goes assuming that just because they’re hanging out, they’re dating, or some other such nonsense. And it is completely nonsensical. If I were to even ask a young man to “accept my hand in friendship,” he himself might take it the wrong way. And who could blame him? These people get so much attention and so much talking at them, that it’s not their fault if they think everyone just wants to be their friend because they’re famous. It’s not their fault if people who genuinely want to be there for them, get lost in the voices of the others who also believe that they’re “genuine.”
Of course, it’s true that if these people weren’t well-known, that I wouldn’t have any idea that they existed either. Which honestly, would be a great tragedy, believe it or not. But I’m grateful that they do exist. I’m grateful for their influence in the areas that need it most and for being just an encouragement to me. And even more so, despite the fact that we may never meet nor become friends, I am still aware of their existence and can pray for them daily. And that is an opportunity for which I am glad.
I remember in my younger years of life, when I could still afford to throw temper tantrums (but was on the edge of reaching the age that I shouldn’t have those kinds of fits), I had an instance of this situation. I, at the time, was completely and utterly obsessed with Lord of the Rings. And I thought, “Wouldn’t it be crazy amazing to be able to meet the entire cast of that move?” Of course, knowing all the extras and everything else that goes into making a movie, I knew this was impossible, so my hopes were really set on meeting the four hobbit stars of the trilogy. Obviously this never happened.
There are still times when I observe (from a very far distance) the personalities of individuals who are well known in society, and I just know – call it intuition – that that person and I would get along great. So very unfortunately, there are numerous problems with these…desires, dreams, wishes, whatever you’d like to call it…that make it really impossible to ever happen. This is the reality of life.
I suppose there are two ominous factors that out-scream all the other factors. The first, is that I am merely human. You may not see the problem in this, but I do. Most people who, at some point in their life, were like me, with most of the world being ignorant of their existence, are now at the point in their lives to where they are being stocked, obsessed over, dreamt about, you name it, by hundreds of thousands – if not millions – of people. And these people, mere unknown individuals like myself, all have their different reasons for wanting to either meet or build a friendship with these well-known individuals. I think the biggest part of most people wanting to be friends is either bragging rights (“Hey, guess what? I’m friends with so and so!!!”) or even going so low as to use that person (“Hey (insert famous person’s name here)! I have a couple of friends who I have seen in a while, and they want to get in to see you. But they’re broke. And so am I. Do you think you might be able to snag a few VIP passes for them? And for me?”), etc.
Contrary to the intentions of most others, the individuals that I have in mind whilst writing this, I have no other desire to be their friend than for the few simple reasons that I have…
1) I just want to be their friend. Everyone needs a listening ear (or ears) in their life…usually at more than one time. They need someone to lean on, someone to rant to, someone to call in the middle of the night to talk to because they’re lonely, or they need prayer. I want to be that friend. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think that “I’m the answer! I’m the person you’re looking for!” kind of girl. And I’m sure they already have numerous people in their lives that they can already go to for advice, prayer, and all that jazz. But I would like to offer my mere friendship to them, just for their sake. We all need people to encourage us in our lives. And from someone who isn’t well know, doesn’t have lots of pressure on themselves, my perspective on some issues might be able to help. Maybe.
2) There’s just something about these individuals that I know, I know, that we would click. Maybe not right away, but after that “clicking” point, we would indeed get along grandly. I’m not going around looking for friends, or trying to build relationships with people who have influence. If anything, because of the introvert that I am, as well as being an extremely private person, I wouldn’t want people to know that I have connections/friendships with well-known people. Then I would get people coming after me. And that could get draining.
3) Another reason for desiring friendship, is because I care for that person. I love them (as a brother or sister). And I know there are things I can learn from them. And I want them to pass on their wisdom to me…I want to be closely influenced by them, their lifestyles, and – most importantly – their love for God and their relationship with Him. These people that I have in mind have been a big inspiration to me in regards to being so well-known and choosing to still be bold about what they know is true. And I want to be around them (or at least communicate with them) enough to where I would be even more influenced and change even more…for the better.
That covers it for the first huge factor. Merely being human. And the second factor is closely related to that. I am not only a human, but I am a female. And there is a problem with this.
A couple of individuals that I can think of (and desire) to have a wonderful friendship with, are of the male specimen. This proposes a rather uncomfortable and annoying obstacle. Because these individuals are male, and I am female, it could be taken by them (and people in the world), that I am not really seeking friendship, but rather trying to get a relationship with non-specified male. And that is completely opposite of my would-be intentions. That’s one thing I hate about the world and genders. A girl becomes friends with a guy, one of them is possibly well-known, and then everyone goes assuming that just because they’re hanging out, they’re dating, or some other such nonsense. And it is completely nonsensical. If I were to even ask a young man to “accept my hand in friendship,” he himself might take it the wrong way. And who could blame him? These people get so much attention and so much talking at them, that it’s not their fault if they think everyone just wants to be their friend because they’re famous. It’s not their fault if people who genuinely want to be there for them, get lost in the voices of the others who also believe that they’re “genuine.”
Of course, it’s true that if these people weren’t well-known, that I wouldn’t have any idea that they existed either. Which honestly, would be a great tragedy, believe it or not. But I’m grateful that they do exist. I’m grateful for their influence in the areas that need it most and for being just an encouragement to me. And even more so, despite the fact that we may never meet nor become friends, I am still aware of their existence and can pray for them daily. And that is an opportunity for which I am glad.
Wednesday 7 September 2011
"What I've Overcome" by Fireflight
A lot can happen in a year. Even more can happen within three years. And that's around the amount of time that I struggled with both cutting and severe depression. I'm a changed person today, thanks to the grace of God.
There are times, though, that I sometimes wish that people knew me when I struggled. It's better for them that they didn't, of course, because those who did know me and cared for me, were frightened time and again because of my suicidal tendencies. I wouldn't wish what I went through for anyone else to experience, but I know that because of what I went through, I am who I am today. And I wouldn't trade that for anything, no matter how numerous the suicidal times were nor how long the darkness lasted.
I've been listening to Fireflight lately. One of my preferred bands. They have a song called "What I've Overcome." It pretty much describes me perfectly. If you were to see me yesterday, you'd see the broken heart and the battle scars. But...I am now what I've overcome.
I've got this passion
It's something I can't describe
It's so electric
It's like I've just come alive
I feel this freedom
Now that my past is erased
I feel the healing
I've found the meaning of grace
(I found grace)
If only you come see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
Funny how words can't explain
How good it feels to finally break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I know I'll stumble
I know I'll still face defeat
These second chances will define me
So I'm moving forward
I'm standing on my two feet
I've got momentum
I've got someone saving me
(got someone saving me)
If only you could see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
Funny how words can't explain
How good it finally feels to break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I make mistakes and I might fall
But I won't break
I've got someone saving me
If only you could see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
Funny how words can't explain
How good it feels to finally break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I'm what I've overcome
I'm what I've overcome
There are times, though, that I sometimes wish that people knew me when I struggled. It's better for them that they didn't, of course, because those who did know me and cared for me, were frightened time and again because of my suicidal tendencies. I wouldn't wish what I went through for anyone else to experience, but I know that because of what I went through, I am who I am today. And I wouldn't trade that for anything, no matter how numerous the suicidal times were nor how long the darkness lasted.
I've been listening to Fireflight lately. One of my preferred bands. They have a song called "What I've Overcome." It pretty much describes me perfectly. If you were to see me yesterday, you'd see the broken heart and the battle scars. But...I am now what I've overcome.
I've got this passion
It's something I can't describe
It's so electric
It's like I've just come alive
I feel this freedom
Now that my past is erased
I feel the healing
I've found the meaning of grace
(I found grace)
If only you come see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
Funny how words can't explain
How good it feels to finally break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I know I'll stumble
I know I'll still face defeat
These second chances will define me
So I'm moving forward
I'm standing on my two feet
I've got momentum
I've got someone saving me
(got someone saving me)
If only you could see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
Funny how words can't explain
How good it finally feels to break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I make mistakes and I might fall
But I won't break
I've got someone saving me
If only you could see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
Funny how words can't explain
How good it feels to finally break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I'm what I've overcome
I'm what I've overcome
Saturday 6 August 2011
Journal Revelations (Part IV)
The following post is the fourth and last excerpt from my journal when I went on my two-month outreach to Turkey, Georgia, and Azerbaijan with my DTS team. The date is included when it was written.
26/1/2011
Outreach has been…well, its been outreach. Easy in some ways, but hard in others. Easy in the sense of what we’ve been going. We’ve visited the girls in Hope Haven and spent time with them. We visited a place where there are elderly people, children, and “mental” patients. I say “mental,” because of how corrupt this country is, probably half of them are actually sane. We’ve gone to the ILC (International Learning Center) for conversation café from 3-8:00 p.m. Some have visited an orphanage. Others went and prayed for healing and encouragement over the Hope Haven staff. Yesterday, Lanae and Marissa went with Tammy to pray for the sick. Today we’re going treasure hunting. Basically, the things we’re doing aren’t that difficult or trying.
On the spiritual side, however, things have been hard. It seems as if the enemy is attacking the team in some of the most easy, simply ways. So easy, in fact, that they don’t even recognize it – most believers don’t, but it is the downfall of so may. Sickness is one of the attacks.
So many Christians are so comfortable with dealing with sickness – whether it be a cold, cough, sore throat, fever, flu, etc. To most, the mindset is “oh, this is so common. I’ll be well in a few days, and then I can get back to doing what needs to be done.” What so many don’t realize, and never realize, I believe, is that we arechildren of God – sickness should not be allowed to harbor in our bodies. Of course, we live in a fallen world, and sickness is par of it, but we “are not of the world, just as [Jesus is] not of the world.” (John 17.16) So having sickness in our bodies, and becoming sick shouldn’t even be a possibility.
I believe it is the desire of many Christians to pray for the healing of others and see major miracles happen. I don’t doubt that it’s in God’s will for all to be healed – but the basis for that to happen is determined by numerous factors. Of course there’s the obvious ones, like if the person being prayed for has enough faith, or if the person praying has enough faith. I think there’s more to it though.
As I mentioned before, everyone is born with a certain amount of faith (but that’s not to say it can’t be increased). And because we’re children of God, we should never be sick. I believe we all have enough faith to pray and believe for our own healing – but so many are willing to deal with it, that they don’t. I think God wants us to live a constant lifestyle of health and wholeness and to prove that what we believe is true, before He would allow us to see major miracles happen by the laying on of our hands. In a more simply put way, we need to pray for our own healing and live a life with no sickness before God will work though us to heal others. It could even go as far as when we conquer one sickness (ex. a cold), and no longer struggle with it, we have the authority to pray that over others and see them get healed.
So aside from that little rabbit trail, there is another way besides sickness that the enemy has been attacking our group with – disunity. Of course, as in every group, this group has a couple of odd people, the “strange” and “socially awkward” ones. For those who aren’t as focused on God as they should be, they get easily irritated with these people, and aren’t as loving towards them as they should be. But it isn’t just with those who are the odd-ones-out. It can be pretty easy to become irritated with anyone. Especially those who are quite opinionated and think things should be done a certain way. At any rate, it’s definitely an easy way to get attacked.
I, myself, have been under attack as well. There’s been the sickness, of course. But other things have happened as well. The first week we were in Baku, I was totally not myself. I was complaining a lot, getting extremely irritated with people, and even felt depression returning at times (and with that, going so far as to find myself restoring back to old thought patterns and excuses).
It was really hard to kick. I put my armour on every morning, and would rebuke the enemy, and thank God for my victory and freedom, but it still didn’t seems as though anything was changing. I know that I didn’t fight as much as I should have though. Things are better now though; and what God has been showing me has helped. A thought that I had that sparked me writing about being attacked though, was: ‘I’m on outreach, so of course I’m being attacked more than usual!’ But then I realized that whenever I’m in God’s perfect will, I’ll always be attacked. Which made me remember that I’m always in a battle – and it’s imperative to put on my armour every morning without fail.
Journal Revelations (Part III)
The following post is the third excerpt from my journal when I went on my two-month outreach to Turkey, Georgia, and Azerbaijan with my DTS team. The date is included when it was written.
24/1/2011
Prayer. Talking with God…what a wonderful privilege. This is something else that has been brought to my attention in my own life. If prayer is talking with God, than why am I not hearing Him talk back? I need to enter into times of prayer expecting to hear God respond to me. Making it a point to actually listen. Really, if I ask Him question, I should be fully expecting answers, not just half-heartedly.
It’s not just entering into prayer with the expectation of getting an answer. It’s also talking more with Him; because, in all honesty, I don’t talk enough with Him. And, as much as I don’t want it to happen, I think I’m entering into a new season. At the beginning of DTS, and the week with Larry that was focusing on the Father heart of God, I began to realize that my perception of God as a Father was distorted. So I began to fix my view of Him; and to work on seeing Him for who He is. Healing has happened in that area and I see Him for the Father that He is…but there is still work to be done in that area. I believe that the season of seeing Him as a Father, and talking with Him as such, is ending. I don’t know exactly what the next season is going to entail, but whatever it is, I know His best is in it.
All of those things are fine and well, but aside from needing to talk more with my Father, I also need to widen the subjects that I discuss with Him. For instance, to being loving my friends more, I can pray for them and for God to reveal Himself to them. I can pray for those around me that I know. I can pray for my family. I can pray for those who are struggling. I can pray for other countries, as well as my own. There is so much to pray for, and new subjects always arise, I wonder how people could say they don’t know what to pray for. I guess for me it’s not the issue of what to pray for, but how to pray. Of course there’s the example of the Lord’s Prayer, but it doesn’t seem to me to apply to praying for all things. I won’t hesitate to pray, but I feel as though I won’t be as effective…maybe not that, but kind of not wanting to suck up, to get it wrong….entering into it with the right heart, basically.
Being a servant. This is something that I started doing a little bit before DTS (due to something Dylan said to me), but after it started, the first or second (or even third) Sunday night at youth, God began speaking to me a little bit about what He was calling me to in my future – generally wise though. One of the things He was saying was to serve the other students – and even the staff – during DTS. But being a servant isn’t just for the duration of DTS – it’s supposed to be living a lifetime of servant hood. I have to say, for the most part I enjoy it. Doing things that are behind the scenes and people not realizing that I did it…I get a kick out of it. Washing dishes, cooking, cleaning…anything and everything. And being able to server with a joyful countenance…mmhm.
I heard before though, that to be in a place of leadership, you must first learn to serve. And even after you become a leader, you are still in a position of being a servant. When I heard this, it made me realize that by God calling me to serve and be a servant, He may be preparing me to be in a position of leadership in the future…which would make sense, referring back to the prophecy that Jasen spoke over me. At any rate, it’s something to keep in mind – but to still serve and always serve…with joy.
More and more I realize how powerful words are. It’s something that I’ve heard all my life, but the truth of it hit me when I was volunteering at the Land. It hit me again during DTS when I realized that my sarcastic humour wasn’t as funny as I though – nor did it build people up. And from a conversation that I had with Dylan a few nights ago, I was once again reminded.
There really is the power of life and death in the tongue. Words can be used to build up or tear down. Realizing this made me decide to stop the sarcastic humour/comments. For the most part I have, but not quite fully.
By nature, I’m not really one to waste words, and I tend to not talk a lot…unless I’m with someone I’m really comfortable with, have a point/observation to make on a subject matter, and the only time I mindlessly ramble is when it’s really late and I’m really tired, or am sick. The point is, is that, in my opinion, I don’t tend to waste my words.
I know I need to think before I speak. Father, help me to do that! To get to the point of surrender in my life, that even before I speak, I would pray and ask you for wisdom in the words to say! Help me to remember to think before I speak. Remind me that whatever I do in word or deed, it all should bring glory to You…that everything I say or do is a reflection of You.
I want to encourage, to exhort, to build other up with the words I speak. That when I open my mouth to say something, people would drop everything to hear what I say. “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.” (Matthew 12.36) That verse in itself should help me to be even more cautious of the words I speak. Father, help me to remember this.
Journal Revelations (Part II)
The following post is the second excerpt from my journal when I went on my two-month outreach to Turkey, Georgia, and Azerbaijan with my DTS team. The date is included when it was written.
22/1/2011
So...in regards to what I wrote about last night about relationships/attractions and whatnot. I feel the need to just reiterate some of what I wrote. I am so happy, so happy, that my Father has spoken to me and revealed truths to my heart. I take joy in my relationship with Jesus. The fact that I am loved by Him - and desired by Him - brings joy to my heart. I have willingly and gladly given Him my heart; and I'm not taking it back until He gives it to me to give it away. It is such a joy to serve my King and to rest in His peace and presence...to be able to trust Him with my life is something that I am grateful for.
And yet another thing that God has revealed to me. Dylan suggested to me that I should read a chapter in Proverbs everyday, so I have been. Not last night, but the night before, I read chapter 3. Verses 11 and 12 state: "My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, nor detest His correction; for whom the LORD loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.". Isn't it a wonderful thing that our Father loves us too much to leave us the way we are - that He wants to change us for the better. It got me thinking about how much mom and dad corrected me growing up. And by thinking about that, as much as I hated it, it was so necessary, and so needed. I don't know where I would be today without it. I am now so grateful for their choice in doing the right thing. Even more so, though, I am so grateful to my Father for giving me my parents, and for His own gentle correction that is completely out of love. Oh that He loves me enough to change me for the better!
About three days ago, I got an e-mail from dad. It was in reply to an update that I sent out to mom, dad, Rebecca, and Andrew. At the end of my update, I asked for prayer for unity (amongst other things) because it isn't really in our group. And I have to admit, I did complain a little bit about two people (without mentioning names) and their immaturity and closed mindedness. In his reply, he mentioned about how people follow by example...that they won't be pushed into the direction I want them to go. He mentioned that "being led indicates our wills are yielded to Him." He said the people in the group "just need a little more 'help'." He then told me to ask my Father "to help them understand and desire to participate in a manner that will be most effective." He then referenced 1John 5.14, 15 which says: "Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him."
That passage was highlighted in my Bible already - most likely I did it when I was contending for the money for DTS. But when reading it again, the part that says "that if we ask anything according to His will..." really stood out to me. It's almost like, "duh! of course He'll give us what we ask if it's according to His will." But I don't think a lot of people grasp that. They ask for things, both small and big, that they think they need, or want, and don't understand, or get angry, when God doesn't answer their prayers. But He doesn't, because what they were praying for wasn't in accordance to His will for their lives. However, that's not to say that God won't give us anything that we would like (but not necessarily need). We're His children, and as long as we are in His will, He loves giving us the things we ask for - as long as they're good and won't harm our relationship with Him. He loves to lavish gifts upon those He loves.
Thinking about those verses got me thinking (haha). I’ve been thinking a lot about faith lately. It’s been said so many times, but faith really can be used in both positive and negative ways. It can be used to heal, to bring freedom, to believe for things. But there are negative ways too. For instance, a person could repeatedly say “I’m going to die” or “I want to die.” If they say or believe it long enough, it’ll most likely happen. Just like in 10th grade too. The day “The Actors Nightmare” was opening, someone said “Macbeth” in the theatre. Because of that, all the students who were in there believed something bas was going to happen. Sure enough, when Alex was walking home from school that afternoon, he got his by a car.
I realized something else when thinking about faith. Everyone, when they’re born, is born with a measurement of faith. Jesus said with faith the size of a mustard seed we can move mountains. Or course, I’m inclined to think He was talking more of spiritual mountains than physical mountains. If is really takes a measurement that small, than either most don’t have the amount, or they have the potential and just haven’t 1) realized it, 2) harnessed it, or 3) aren’t using it.
Faith is used every day, in practically every area of one’s life. An illustration that I’ve heard quite a bit is that if I were to sit down in a chair, I would be using faith to believe that the chair will hold me up. But it extends to other areas as well – I go to sleep with faith that I will wake up in the morning. It’s such a large subject – and could be pondered on for many more hours.
22/1/2011
So...in regards to what I wrote about last night about relationships/attractions and whatnot. I feel the need to just reiterate some of what I wrote. I am so happy, so happy, that my Father has spoken to me and revealed truths to my heart. I take joy in my relationship with Jesus. The fact that I am loved by Him - and desired by Him - brings joy to my heart. I have willingly and gladly given Him my heart; and I'm not taking it back until He gives it to me to give it away. It is such a joy to serve my King and to rest in His peace and presence...to be able to trust Him with my life is something that I am grateful for.
And yet another thing that God has revealed to me. Dylan suggested to me that I should read a chapter in Proverbs everyday, so I have been. Not last night, but the night before, I read chapter 3. Verses 11 and 12 state: "My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, nor detest His correction; for whom the LORD loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.". Isn't it a wonderful thing that our Father loves us too much to leave us the way we are - that He wants to change us for the better. It got me thinking about how much mom and dad corrected me growing up. And by thinking about that, as much as I hated it, it was so necessary, and so needed. I don't know where I would be today without it. I am now so grateful for their choice in doing the right thing. Even more so, though, I am so grateful to my Father for giving me my parents, and for His own gentle correction that is completely out of love. Oh that He loves me enough to change me for the better!
About three days ago, I got an e-mail from dad. It was in reply to an update that I sent out to mom, dad, Rebecca, and Andrew. At the end of my update, I asked for prayer for unity (amongst other things) because it isn't really in our group. And I have to admit, I did complain a little bit about two people (without mentioning names) and their immaturity and closed mindedness. In his reply, he mentioned about how people follow by example...that they won't be pushed into the direction I want them to go. He mentioned that "being led indicates our wills are yielded to Him." He said the people in the group "just need a little more 'help'." He then told me to ask my Father "to help them understand and desire to participate in a manner that will be most effective." He then referenced 1John 5.14, 15 which says: "Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him."
That passage was highlighted in my Bible already - most likely I did it when I was contending for the money for DTS. But when reading it again, the part that says "that if we ask anything according to His will..." really stood out to me. It's almost like, "duh! of course He'll give us what we ask if it's according to His will." But I don't think a lot of people grasp that. They ask for things, both small and big, that they think they need, or want, and don't understand, or get angry, when God doesn't answer their prayers. But He doesn't, because what they were praying for wasn't in accordance to His will for their lives. However, that's not to say that God won't give us anything that we would like (but not necessarily need). We're His children, and as long as we are in His will, He loves giving us the things we ask for - as long as they're good and won't harm our relationship with Him. He loves to lavish gifts upon those He loves.
Thinking about those verses got me thinking (haha). I’ve been thinking a lot about faith lately. It’s been said so many times, but faith really can be used in both positive and negative ways. It can be used to heal, to bring freedom, to believe for things. But there are negative ways too. For instance, a person could repeatedly say “I’m going to die” or “I want to die.” If they say or believe it long enough, it’ll most likely happen. Just like in 10th grade too. The day “The Actors Nightmare” was opening, someone said “Macbeth” in the theatre. Because of that, all the students who were in there believed something bas was going to happen. Sure enough, when Alex was walking home from school that afternoon, he got his by a car.
I realized something else when thinking about faith. Everyone, when they’re born, is born with a measurement of faith. Jesus said with faith the size of a mustard seed we can move mountains. Or course, I’m inclined to think He was talking more of spiritual mountains than physical mountains. If is really takes a measurement that small, than either most don’t have the amount, or they have the potential and just haven’t 1) realized it, 2) harnessed it, or 3) aren’t using it.
Faith is used every day, in practically every area of one’s life. An illustration that I’ve heard quite a bit is that if I were to sit down in a chair, I would be using faith to believe that the chair will hold me up. But it extends to other areas as well – I go to sleep with faith that I will wake up in the morning. It’s such a large subject – and could be pondered on for many more hours.
Journal Revelations (Part I)
The following four posts will be excerpts from my journal when I went on my two-month outreach to Turkey, Georgia, and Azerbaijan with my DTS team. The dates are included in when they were written.
21.1.2011
So much has happened...and I'll catch up on it soon. Right now, however, there are more pressing matters. My Father has been speaking to my heart about quite a few things. I'll begin with what was on my mind that caused me to write this.
Dad wrote a note on Facebook. He titled it "Moonlit Boneyard.". He mentioned how Hell is never full...how it expands to make room...how it'll never have a "no vacancy" sign. He said his adrenalin gets pumping when he thinks of ways to bring it into recession.
Anyways, what he said about it never getting full got me thinking. I realized just how selfish I am. How on earth can I call myself a Christian, but not care enough about the souls of others to reveal the truth to them? How on earth could anyone call themselves a Christian but not be concerned for the souls around them? Because of my unconcern, it seems to me that I don't love my [secular] friends as much as I should. It seems to me that I don't love anyone who is unsaved as much as I should.
I need to stop being so selfish. I need to stop caring about myself and what others think of me. I say I'm willing to be a fool for for Jesus...but am I really? What have I done to prove that? So what if I mess up, make mistakes, don't get it right, say the wrong words? The point will be that I made the effort...and if I truly have a heart for the people and unconditional love for each individual, than that will show through. In the song that Sean wrote, he said that God's heart is for every individual to get saved...and he's right. How can I pray and ask for God's heart and not want to see others saved?
I need and want to cultivate a Christ-like lifestyle. To get to the point in my life where I tell everyone I meet about God's love. To walk up to the [physically and mentally] sick on the street and see healings daily. That when I'm married and have kids, that it will be a normal thing for them to see people healed and raised from the dead.
Oh Father! To get to that place! To be unashamed and unafraid. To truly have Your heart for everyone around me. To live as Jesus lived. Give me Your eyes. Give me Your heart. Help me. Guide me into Your perfect will and the calling You have placed on my life. I desire, above all else, to be fully Yours. To live for You and You alone.
There's something else that God has shown me. Just to state for the record, while back home on the Land, I struggled for a while with emotions for someone. However, I noticed that whenever they weren't around (and by that, I mean gone, not just that I didn't see them on the Land) I didn't really feel anything emotion-wise. As when I thought about them, it was "oh, nice guy, good friend" kind of thing. But when I saw them, the attraction would rise up. Being away for so long though, and having no contact, I - yet again - don't feel anything. Then again, I haven't allowed myself the luxury of trying to feel anything. I'm just keeping my focus on God where it needs to and should be.
About three weeks before the lecture phase ended, I was asking my Father to remove the emotions if they weren't from Him. I believe He has; but I haven't tried to determine if it's permanent, or just for this time so I can focus on the task at hand. Either way, I'm at peace, because I know He has His best in mind for me.
Before, I would be concerned with the thought of "what if he isn't the right person like I think him to be?" I don't struggle with that thought anymore. It's not because I know for certain that he is or isn't. It just isn't as important as I once thought it to be. It could be this way because God is preparing someone else for me...or it could be that I'm learning not to worry and to fully trust Him. I know how strong my desire for marriage was before, and it's changed...it has almost gone in the opposite direction.
Basically, my Father has been showing me several things in regards to this. Due to some things that need to be worked through, I'm not ready for marriage like I thought. And learning to fully rely on God and to trust Him is something that I'm grateful for. I get excited when I think about my future with my Father, and all the great [unknown] plans He has for me. I would rather be single all my life, living it fully for Him, than to be married and out of His will and plan.
He is teaching me how to be fully satisfied in Him. Oh, what a wonderful thing it is! To have the privilege of loving Him...and the honor of being loved by Him...
Wednesday 3 August 2011
Strangers...But Not
Have you ever desired to get to know someone, to build a friendship with a person, that you don't even know? Perhaps it's someone that you see across a crowded room at a friend's gathering, or even someone who is well known. You don't know how, except by your intuition, that you and that person would make grand friends. That whether or not you have a lot in common with them, you know that there is a potential for a wonderful, life-long friendship.
Well, I've experienced that feeling.
Tuesday 2 August 2011
Truth
Unless a truth is able to penetrate your heart and worm its way down deep enough to affect your core beliefs, the value of that truth is worthless.
Thursday 28 July 2011
The One-Year Mark
It's always been fascinating to me to see how time brings change; looking back and seeing how far I've come, how much people I know have changed, even places where the scenery is different. One thing that I appreciate so much about being able to look back and ponder the wonders of change, is seeing how far I've come from where I once was; yet looking forward to the growth that I still have to achieve.
Exactly a year ago today, I made a decision which, unbeknownst to me, would change my life in a huge and unexpected way. A year ago today, I traveled down to the Mendocino Coast to start my one and a half months of volunteering at the Lord's Land. It's amazing to think and see what happened because of that one tiny, irrelevant [at the time] choice.
It was that single choice that ended up setting off a chain of events in my life. Because of my presence down in Mendo, I was then surrounded by people who have true, genuine hearts for God and love for others. They were an encouragement to me. It was also there that I made the decision to attend the DTS that was taking place; a decision that was based on the undeniable truth that God was calling me to go there - and it was the first time in my life that I was sure that I knew He was calling me to do something. And because of that decision, I then was able to know God like I've never known Him before, I was delivered from depression, cutting, and rebellion, and I had a chance to travel to the other side of the world and experience different cultures, as well as see how God is working in those places.
Suffice to say, it's been an amazing one year. The fact that one decision can change the entire direction of someone's life is... phenomenal. Being a Christian all my life has its merit, but the fact that I didn't truly know most things with my heart can show that I still had (and have) so much to learn. Which I am looking forward to. All I can say is that I am so incredibly grateful to God, and for oh-so-slightly nudging me in the direction of volunteering at the Land.
My Father knows what He is doing.
And I am so blessed to be saved by grace.
Exactly a year ago today, I made a decision which, unbeknownst to me, would change my life in a huge and unexpected way. A year ago today, I traveled down to the Mendocino Coast to start my one and a half months of volunteering at the Lord's Land. It's amazing to think and see what happened because of that one tiny, irrelevant [at the time] choice.
It was that single choice that ended up setting off a chain of events in my life. Because of my presence down in Mendo, I was then surrounded by people who have true, genuine hearts for God and love for others. They were an encouragement to me. It was also there that I made the decision to attend the DTS that was taking place; a decision that was based on the undeniable truth that God was calling me to go there - and it was the first time in my life that I was sure that I knew He was calling me to do something. And because of that decision, I then was able to know God like I've never known Him before, I was delivered from depression, cutting, and rebellion, and I had a chance to travel to the other side of the world and experience different cultures, as well as see how God is working in those places.
Suffice to say, it's been an amazing one year. The fact that one decision can change the entire direction of someone's life is... phenomenal. Being a Christian all my life has its merit, but the fact that I didn't truly know most things with my heart can show that I still had (and have) so much to learn. Which I am looking forward to. All I can say is that I am so incredibly grateful to God, and for oh-so-slightly nudging me in the direction of volunteering at the Land.
My Father knows what He is doing.
And I am so blessed to be saved by grace.
Tuesday 19 July 2011
Attraction?
Anybody can make a choice. Anybody can decide if they let themselves fall in love or not. I myself choose to stay away from that, because I don't want to enter into something not knowing where I am going. To fall means you have tripped, and it's not good looks that distracted you from seeing where you were stepping.
I used to think that it would be wonderful to get married. Maybe I still do. But there are a ton of things that I have to work on before I would ever be ready (as ready as one can be) to enter into a relationship. And the strongest reason for me to start a relationship would be because God was calling me into it. There are other reasons as well, but that one take priority - no exceptions.
I suppose at heart I'm a hopeless romantic. But currently you would think that I'm anything but that. And good reason. I speak and act like I'm anti-marriage. There are reasons for that.
But on to the point of this blog post. It is a person's CHOICE if they let themselves become attracted to someone. Granted, it's not always completely their choice. In those cases, however, it's usually due to the fact that that person has been seeking God and His will for their lives. And God is nudging their heart in the direction of becoming attracted to a person - the person He's chosen for them.
I find myself in no such scenario. I have, on occasion in the past, found myself attracted to someone. But it has never lasted long - and for good reason. It was simply not the time, and they were simply not the person God has for me. Simple enough.
I am in no way wanting to be in a relationship at this current moment. And not for a good long number of years if I can help it. But there's something about a man of God, who is so desiring above all else to live for God that's...well...attractive. There are a good number of guys that I know who are like that. But I'm not attracted to them because they're good friends, brothers. If you don't know someone personally though, but their love for God is evident; the life they live screams that they're striving to be more like Christ...well, that can get to you. And it can get to me.
But, I choose not to let it.
(These are the late-night ramblings of a deep-thinker who chooses not to reveal more on the topic.)
I used to think that it would be wonderful to get married. Maybe I still do. But there are a ton of things that I have to work on before I would ever be ready (as ready as one can be) to enter into a relationship. And the strongest reason for me to start a relationship would be because God was calling me into it. There are other reasons as well, but that one take priority - no exceptions.
I suppose at heart I'm a hopeless romantic. But currently you would think that I'm anything but that. And good reason. I speak and act like I'm anti-marriage. There are reasons for that.
But on to the point of this blog post. It is a person's CHOICE if they let themselves become attracted to someone. Granted, it's not always completely their choice. In those cases, however, it's usually due to the fact that that person has been seeking God and His will for their lives. And God is nudging their heart in the direction of becoming attracted to a person - the person He's chosen for them.
I find myself in no such scenario. I have, on occasion in the past, found myself attracted to someone. But it has never lasted long - and for good reason. It was simply not the time, and they were simply not the person God has for me. Simple enough.
I am in no way wanting to be in a relationship at this current moment. And not for a good long number of years if I can help it. But there's something about a man of God, who is so desiring above all else to live for God that's...well...attractive. There are a good number of guys that I know who are like that. But I'm not attracted to them because they're good friends, brothers. If you don't know someone personally though, but their love for God is evident; the life they live screams that they're striving to be more like Christ...well, that can get to you. And it can get to me.
But, I choose not to let it.
(These are the late-night ramblings of a deep-thinker who chooses not to reveal more on the topic.)
Tuesday 12 July 2011
Wednesday 6 July 2011
Twenty Questions - By Elisabeth Elliot
About a month or so back I read "Let Me Be A Woman" by Elisabeth Elliot. This book is amazing in every sense of the word. Due to certain events, and just life in general, really, my mind had been on the wonders and mysteries of marriage, roles of husband and wife, etc. I guess I had always had some idea of what I thought my role would be as a wife - these ideas being shaped by the home environment I was raised in, the different influences that pressed upon me in my life, and so many other ways. I don't really have the same views, and some have definitely changed quite drastically, whilst others not-so-much. But in her book, Elliot posed these twenty questions to her daughter Val when she (Val) had been trying to define and sort out her feelings when she was in a pretty deep relationship with her now-present fiancé. I think they're good questions to ponder if a person is looking into entering a relationship (or is in one) and needs help in regards to sorting out some of the questions in their mind.
1) Is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? That's every day of every week of every month of every year from now till one of you dies.
2) Is he:
punctual or habitually late?
orderly or disorderly?
a reader or a TV watcher?
an outdoor man or an indoor man?
3) Does he:
like your family?
treat you as you think a woman out to be treated?
have men friends?
have approximately the same education you have?
like the kind of food you like to cook?
come from a home similar to yours?
like your friends?
like to entertain, and would you be proud to have him as a host at the
other end of the table?
laugh at the same jokes you do?
4) Can you agree on:
sex?
in-laws?
children and their training?
money?
your respective roles in the home?
1) Is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? That's every day of every week of every month of every year from now till one of you dies.
2) Is he:
punctual or habitually late?
orderly or disorderly?
a reader or a TV watcher?
an outdoor man or an indoor man?
3) Does he:
like your family?
treat you as you think a woman out to be treated?
have men friends?
have approximately the same education you have?
like the kind of food you like to cook?
come from a home similar to yours?
like your friends?
like to entertain, and would you be proud to have him as a host at the
other end of the table?
laugh at the same jokes you do?
4) Can you agree on:
sex?
in-laws?
children and their training?
money?
your respective roles in the home?
Wednesday 22 June 2011
A Morning's Story Thought
It all started out innocently enough. Just another usual morning, like every other morning. Only this morning my sister was with me.
I usually go for coffee a couple mornings a week at our city's health-food store. Up until 8 am they have all drinks half-off, and I like to take advantage of that. I only wish I hadn't gone this morning.
It happened on the way there. On the way there! I can't bear to think of it, but I muse, for I know getting it all out will help. Somehow.
We were on our way to the store. It was around 7.30 when we left. I was driving and my sister was in the passengers seat.
I was at the intersection of Juniper and 5th. This was always the one hard intersection to cross, as it had three streets connected to it - at least, in the way I was going.
I myself was on a two way street. In order to reach my next point, I had to cross another two-way street, immediately turn left to cross a one-way street and then continue on my way.
I don't know why it happened...how it happened. I looked everywhere. It was clear at all intersections. But as I was crossing the first street, this truck to my right came speeding up out of nowhere! And when I looked ahead to the one-way street, a car was about to pass right in front of me!
Time seemed to slow down. I didn't know what to do. Should I speed up to avoid the speeding truck to save my sisters life and risk killing the people in the car in front of me? Or should I slam the breaks to save those in front of me and kill my sister. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do!!!
But my sister did. "Hit the breaks!" she screamed. And so I did. I didn't even pause to think about it. The truck hit us. Hard.
The next thing I know, I'm waking up. Not even a bruise on me. But my sister - oh God! my sister - I shudder every time I remember what I saw. You couldn't even recognize her. How I regret listening to her.
She meant well; she meant to save the lives of the vehicle in front of us. She was always watching out for others rather than herself. But now she's dead, and it's all my fault.
...
It had been months since the accident. The funeral had come and gone. Now she was just a mere memory away from existence.
I was just walking out of a grocery store, when a strange lady stopped me.
"Excuse me?" she said, hesitantly.
"Yes?" I replied.
"Are...are you the young man who's sister died in a car crash a few months back? The crash at the Juniper and 5th intersection?"
"I am."
"Oh. I...I wanted to tell you, well, thank you. I don't know what made you decide to stop instead of running into the car ahead of you...but that decision...it...it save the lives of my children and I. We were in the vehicle in front of you."
I said nothing. I just stood there, amazed at the possibilities of actually meeting a person who was almost involved in the accident. It was so unlikely of happening, yet it was.
"Well, anyways... I'm sorry about your loss. I truly am. I just wanted to thank you for giving my children a second chance to live." And with that, she left.
My sister is still dead. Nothing can change that. But knowing that she gave up her one life for the lives of multiple people somehow lessens the pain. And with time, I know that the healing process will help soothe the wounds of hurt as well.
(21.6.2011)
I usually go for coffee a couple mornings a week at our city's health-food store. Up until 8 am they have all drinks half-off, and I like to take advantage of that. I only wish I hadn't gone this morning.
It happened on the way there. On the way there! I can't bear to think of it, but I muse, for I know getting it all out will help. Somehow.
We were on our way to the store. It was around 7.30 when we left. I was driving and my sister was in the passengers seat.
I was at the intersection of Juniper and 5th. This was always the one hard intersection to cross, as it had three streets connected to it - at least, in the way I was going.
I myself was on a two way street. In order to reach my next point, I had to cross another two-way street, immediately turn left to cross a one-way street and then continue on my way.
I don't know why it happened...how it happened. I looked everywhere. It was clear at all intersections. But as I was crossing the first street, this truck to my right came speeding up out of nowhere! And when I looked ahead to the one-way street, a car was about to pass right in front of me!
Time seemed to slow down. I didn't know what to do. Should I speed up to avoid the speeding truck to save my sisters life and risk killing the people in the car in front of me? Or should I slam the breaks to save those in front of me and kill my sister. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do!!!
But my sister did. "Hit the breaks!" she screamed. And so I did. I didn't even pause to think about it. The truck hit us. Hard.
The next thing I know, I'm waking up. Not even a bruise on me. But my sister - oh God! my sister - I shudder every time I remember what I saw. You couldn't even recognize her. How I regret listening to her.
She meant well; she meant to save the lives of the vehicle in front of us. She was always watching out for others rather than herself. But now she's dead, and it's all my fault.
...
It had been months since the accident. The funeral had come and gone. Now she was just a mere memory away from existence.
I was just walking out of a grocery store, when a strange lady stopped me.
"Excuse me?" she said, hesitantly.
"Yes?" I replied.
"Are...are you the young man who's sister died in a car crash a few months back? The crash at the Juniper and 5th intersection?"
"I am."
"Oh. I...I wanted to tell you, well, thank you. I don't know what made you decide to stop instead of running into the car ahead of you...but that decision...it...it save the lives of my children and I. We were in the vehicle in front of you."
I said nothing. I just stood there, amazed at the possibilities of actually meeting a person who was almost involved in the accident. It was so unlikely of happening, yet it was.
"Well, anyways... I'm sorry about your loss. I truly am. I just wanted to thank you for giving my children a second chance to live." And with that, she left.
My sister is still dead. Nothing can change that. But knowing that she gave up her one life for the lives of multiple people somehow lessens the pain. And with time, I know that the healing process will help soothe the wounds of hurt as well.
(21.6.2011)
Saturday 11 June 2011
Listen
I've been doing a lot of reading lately. Both fiction, and non. Books by classic, wise authors like A.W. Tozer, Elisabeth Elliot, C.S. Lewis, C.H. Spurgeon, E.M Bounds. The knowledge bug has gone and bit me.
I usually read three or so books at a time. And no, I have no trouble keeping them apart. One that I recently started (and am almost finished with) is titled The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey. It's interesting enough, I suppose, but I have a better formula than the one he's providing (although that's not to say that his formula is potentially workable). I'm reading this book because, the way I see it, almost anything I read can give me insight into something. Also, my uncle gave me the book for my high school graduation, and I figure I should read it because he gave it to me. Besides, it's a book. Enough said.
In reading the section about Habit 5 - "Seek first to understand, than to be understood" - he made mention of some really good points. Things that I knew, but things he was able to put into words pretty decently. Covey stated that "the deepest need of the human heart is to be understood." He then launches into ways on how most people typically listen to others (aka, Five Poor Listening Styles), and then gives advice on how to better listen. In this section though, he included two poems that I'd like to share with you, because both of them describe how I have felt far too often a lot of times during my life.
The first (and more significant one):
I usually read three or so books at a time. And no, I have no trouble keeping them apart. One that I recently started (and am almost finished with) is titled The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey. It's interesting enough, I suppose, but I have a better formula than the one he's providing (although that's not to say that his formula is potentially workable). I'm reading this book because, the way I see it, almost anything I read can give me insight into something. Also, my uncle gave me the book for my high school graduation, and I figure I should read it because he gave it to me. Besides, it's a book. Enough said.
In reading the section about Habit 5 - "Seek first to understand, than to be understood" - he made mention of some really good points. Things that I knew, but things he was able to put into words pretty decently. Covey stated that "the deepest need of the human heart is to be understood." He then launches into ways on how most people typically listen to others (aka, Five Poor Listening Styles), and then gives advice on how to better listen. In this section though, he included two poems that I'd like to share with you, because both of them describe how I have felt far too often a lot of times during my life.
The first (and more significant one):
PLEASE LISTEN
When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving me advice,
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why
I shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something
to solve my problem,
you have failed me,
strange as it may seem.
Listen! All I ask is that you listen.
Don't talk or do - just hear me.
The second (and slightly less significant, but significant nonetheless):
PLEASE...HEAR WHAT I'M NOT SAYING
Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the mask I wear. For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off, and none of them is me. Pretending is an art that is second nature with me.
...I give the impression that I'm secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without; that confidence is my name and coolness is my game; that the waters are calm and that I'm in command and I need no one. But don't believe it; please don't.
I Idly chatter with you in the suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that's really nothing, nothing of what's crying within me. So when I'm going through my routine, don't be fooled by what I'm saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying; what I'd like to be able to say; what, for survival, I need to say but I can't say. I dislike the hiding. Honestly I do. I dislike the superficial phony games I'm playing.
I'd really like to be genuine, spontaneous, and me; but you have to help me. You have to help me by holding out your hand, even when that's the last thing I seem to want or need. Each time you are kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings. Very small wings. Very feeble wings. But wings. With your sensitivity and sympathy and your power of understanding, I can make it. You can breathe life into me. It will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. But love is stronger than strong walls, and therein lies my hope. Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive, and I am a child.
Who am I, you may wonder. For I am every man, every woman, every child...every human you meet.
I'd like to consider myself a good listener. However, it seems as if I have trouble getting people to listen to me...both the words I speak and the words I'm saying without speaking them. I can't tell you the countless times where people have been talking to me, or asked me a question, and when I begin to respond to them, they turn around and begin to speak to someone else. It's been excruciatingly frustrating for me, but its happened so often, I've grown used to it.
And it's not only being ignored upon responding to someone. It's also been when I'm talking to someone, I'm not done with my sentence or string of thoughts, and they interrupt me. Maybe they think I'm done. Or maybe they feel the need to say what they have to say before they forget it. But this is also something that's happened all too often to me. But, it's something that I'm used to.
I've gone back and fourth on the idea if I should speak up about my treatment or not. It can be taken to be disrespectful. And sometimes if I think about it too much, I let it begin to control my thoughts. I get frustrated that people who are friends and family, say they love and respect me but don't show it by how they treat me. Actions speak louder than words and I know the very essence of that truth.
However, despite all the 'should I or should I not speak up about this?' I don't think it's that big of a deal. There are bigger thing in my life that need effort and time than this situation.
Despite all of that rambling though, please. Listen. Not only to me, but to everyone around you.
For their sake.
I'd really like to be genuine, spontaneous, and me; but you have to help me. You have to help me by holding out your hand, even when that's the last thing I seem to want or need. Each time you are kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings. Very small wings. Very feeble wings. But wings. With your sensitivity and sympathy and your power of understanding, I can make it. You can breathe life into me. It will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. But love is stronger than strong walls, and therein lies my hope. Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive, and I am a child.
Who am I, you may wonder. For I am every man, every woman, every child...every human you meet.
I'd like to consider myself a good listener. However, it seems as if I have trouble getting people to listen to me...both the words I speak and the words I'm saying without speaking them. I can't tell you the countless times where people have been talking to me, or asked me a question, and when I begin to respond to them, they turn around and begin to speak to someone else. It's been excruciatingly frustrating for me, but its happened so often, I've grown used to it.
And it's not only being ignored upon responding to someone. It's also been when I'm talking to someone, I'm not done with my sentence or string of thoughts, and they interrupt me. Maybe they think I'm done. Or maybe they feel the need to say what they have to say before they forget it. But this is also something that's happened all too often to me. But, it's something that I'm used to.
I've gone back and fourth on the idea if I should speak up about my treatment or not. It can be taken to be disrespectful. And sometimes if I think about it too much, I let it begin to control my thoughts. I get frustrated that people who are friends and family, say they love and respect me but don't show it by how they treat me. Actions speak louder than words and I know the very essence of that truth.
However, despite all the 'should I or should I not speak up about this?' I don't think it's that big of a deal. There are bigger thing in my life that need effort and time than this situation.
Despite all of that rambling though, please. Listen. Not only to me, but to everyone around you.
For their sake.
Thursday 19 May 2011
Life Allegory I
The days seemed to go by so fast when I was with you. They were filled with laughter, sunshine, long walks, words, affections. We grew so close in such a short amount of time; you were the kind of friend I had never had before.
Each moment spent with you I held dear. Every word exchanged, every smile shared, every touch - all treasured, all remembered. None of it, however, a sign of what was to come.
It happened subtly at first. Not to where I could even notice. Just a quick glance or two in their direction. But then those glances led to other things.
Soon they were included when we spent time together. It was no longer you and I. It was you, them, and myself.
Shortly after that, they were let in on the jokes, on the smiles, on the laughs. I didn't mind that so much. Sometimes they were a part of those things; those memories and experiences. It didn't stop there, though.
You would always hold my hand. You would always lean on me. But soon you occasionally leaned on them. And the first time you held their hand...I remember that time. I still remember the shock, the pain.
Your attention and devotion was now divided between myself and them. As time moved on, so did you.
More and more you spent your time focused on them. You told them everything like you used to tell me. You laughed about the same things, shared those secret smiles, gave your hand for them to hold.
Your world centered around them; and their world centered around you...just like my world was. But I was no longer in the foreground of the picture. I was just another shadow; another background filler.
And when I finally faded away into the distance, you didn't even notice...
Each moment spent with you I held dear. Every word exchanged, every smile shared, every touch - all treasured, all remembered. None of it, however, a sign of what was to come.
It happened subtly at first. Not to where I could even notice. Just a quick glance or two in their direction. But then those glances led to other things.
Soon they were included when we spent time together. It was no longer you and I. It was you, them, and myself.
Shortly after that, they were let in on the jokes, on the smiles, on the laughs. I didn't mind that so much. Sometimes they were a part of those things; those memories and experiences. It didn't stop there, though.
You would always hold my hand. You would always lean on me. But soon you occasionally leaned on them. And the first time you held their hand...I remember that time. I still remember the shock, the pain.
Your attention and devotion was now divided between myself and them. As time moved on, so did you.
More and more you spent your time focused on them. You told them everything like you used to tell me. You laughed about the same things, shared those secret smiles, gave your hand for them to hold.
Your world centered around them; and their world centered around you...just like my world was. But I was no longer in the foreground of the picture. I was just another shadow; another background filler.
And when I finally faded away into the distance, you didn't even notice...
Monday 16 May 2011
Distraught Happiness
Here. Being here at my home-away-from-home. I'm happy to be here. Walking around, recalling so many memories...both good and bad. Such a bittersweet recollection of a plethora of images.
But being here bring the feeling of distress. Knowing that I have to leave again. Not knowing when I'll see people again. That is the hard part. That is what hurts.
Sometimes I wish my memory wasn't so good. I wish my mind couldn't recall images so vividly, replay such strong emotions, or anything else associated with memory.
There are things I wish I could forget. Events and seasons that I don't want to remember. Why? Because there are memories to me that are too disgusting, too shameful, too painful, too stupid, too ridiculous. Why would I want to remember those things?
And just like what is going on right now. It seems like last time I was here I struggled with this. Of course, there was a different person involved. But same person or not, the feelings have a similar feel to them. And I hate them.
I was stupid enough last time to believe that this was real. I'm smart enough this time to know it's not. If there ever came a point in my life where I would be ready for something like this, it definitely is not now. It most definitely won't be for at least another two years. At least.
Last time this happened there was a lot of turmoil, heartache, distraction. I know now that those feelings should have been an obvious sign that it was not from God. Just like this. This is not from my Father. I'm not ready for this, it's not right, it's never going to happen.
I only want my focus to be on God. Not on something like this - even if this is something that might occur in the future. I want to be so captivated by Jesus that if this were to ever take place in my life, He would have to do something radical to wake me up and point me in this direction.
But now is not the time. This is not the one. There is still so much to be done, so much to be accomplished, so much to learn, so much to mature and grow in, before this would ever happen.
If I allow any distraction in my life, I want God to distract me from Himself. No other thing and no other person should be able to distract me if my focus is so intent on God like it should be and like I want it to be.
Jesus, heal my heart. Captivate it. Take it and lock it away.
I only want eyes for You...
But being here bring the feeling of distress. Knowing that I have to leave again. Not knowing when I'll see people again. That is the hard part. That is what hurts.
Sometimes I wish my memory wasn't so good. I wish my mind couldn't recall images so vividly, replay such strong emotions, or anything else associated with memory.
There are things I wish I could forget. Events and seasons that I don't want to remember. Why? Because there are memories to me that are too disgusting, too shameful, too painful, too stupid, too ridiculous. Why would I want to remember those things?
And just like what is going on right now. It seems like last time I was here I struggled with this. Of course, there was a different person involved. But same person or not, the feelings have a similar feel to them. And I hate them.
I was stupid enough last time to believe that this was real. I'm smart enough this time to know it's not. If there ever came a point in my life where I would be ready for something like this, it definitely is not now. It most definitely won't be for at least another two years. At least.
Last time this happened there was a lot of turmoil, heartache, distraction. I know now that those feelings should have been an obvious sign that it was not from God. Just like this. This is not from my Father. I'm not ready for this, it's not right, it's never going to happen.
I only want my focus to be on God. Not on something like this - even if this is something that might occur in the future. I want to be so captivated by Jesus that if this were to ever take place in my life, He would have to do something radical to wake me up and point me in this direction.
But now is not the time. This is not the one. There is still so much to be done, so much to be accomplished, so much to learn, so much to mature and grow in, before this would ever happen.
If I allow any distraction in my life, I want God to distract me from Himself. No other thing and no other person should be able to distract me if my focus is so intent on God like it should be and like I want it to be.
Jesus, heal my heart. Captivate it. Take it and lock it away.
I only want eyes for You...
Sunday 1 May 2011
I Love Indians!
- You are immune to bondage, to the power of darkness, to backsliding.
- Don't go back to the old ways, but go out and win souls!
- What can separate us from the love of God?
On Friday night, I went to an international home fellowship. It took place here in Oklahoma. My sister has attended it for the past few years that she has gone to school here. The majority of the people there were Indians.
The man who spoke was incredible. He was the father of one of the regulars who attend the fellowship, and - I believe - was visiting from India. This man was in direct alignment with God. What he spoke hit home for me...it reached the very depths of my soul.
If it has not been obvious, I've been struggling lately. What with all the changes that have taken place in my life for the past few weeks, and not disciplining myself to keep my focus first and foremost on God, things have gone kind of downhill. I allowed myself to fall back into old habits, old ways of thinking, old excuses - and I even fell back into resorting to cutting for wanting to feel in control. And that, was wrong.
The man who spoke taught on grace and God's faithfulness. Two themes that have run very deep within my life for the past half year at least. The things he said were speaking to my heart in such a revolutionary way - Jesus placed me in the right place at the right time.
While he was talking, I realized something. Even though I felt as though I had failed, that I possibly fell back and destroyed my delieverance, I knew that I hadn't. How? Well, it wasn't because I wasn't struggling with feeling as though I was struggling with depression again. It was because of the evidence that I am no longer a "roller-coaster" Christian. In the past, I would get excited about things, pumped up by circumstances or events. But that excitement soon died for one reason or another. Now, though, when things happen in my spiritual life that I get excited about, the excitement, the fervor, sticks. It doesn't fade away. And God was showing me that because of this so-obvious evidence, I have not fallen back. That I am still free.
At the end of the talk, they had a time open for people who wanted prayer. While a guy played guitar, the man who spoke stood and prayed for each person who came up. After the first few people, I felt like I should go up to him; not only that, I knew I needed to. I needed to.
And so, I did. When I first went up there, the presence of God was strong. So strong, in fact, that I felt like crying. Then the man began praying for me. And what he said - my God, what he said - was exactly from You. It was exactly from my Father. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
Some of the most vital things that he said, were these:
"Don't forget what you've been delievered from."
"Keep moving forward - don't fall backward."
"Stay in the will of God."
"Let praise come out of my mouth."
I couldn't hold back the tears. When he finished praying, I headed back to my seat, and let the tears fall even more freely. My sister, who was sitting next to me, rubbed my back as I sobbed. As always, my Father proved to yet again be faithful as He always is. My Father spoke to me exactly what I needed to hear, at the right time that I needed to hear it.
I was encouraged. I was reminded that He knows me. I was comforted to hear His direct words being spoken to me.
I tell you, after having a lack of good, solid Christian fellowship and encouragement for a little over a month, it was good to be back in such an environment as that. I am so grateful that God can work through whomever He choses to speak to His children. That in the place when I felt the most weak, the most discouraged, the most lost, He reminded me that He knows me, is looking out for me, and loves me.
And I tell you, that is the most amazing thing in the world.
"If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself."
- 2 Timothy 2.13
- Don't go back to the old ways, but go out and win souls!
- What can separate us from the love of God?
On Friday night, I went to an international home fellowship. It took place here in Oklahoma. My sister has attended it for the past few years that she has gone to school here. The majority of the people there were Indians.
The man who spoke was incredible. He was the father of one of the regulars who attend the fellowship, and - I believe - was visiting from India. This man was in direct alignment with God. What he spoke hit home for me...it reached the very depths of my soul.
If it has not been obvious, I've been struggling lately. What with all the changes that have taken place in my life for the past few weeks, and not disciplining myself to keep my focus first and foremost on God, things have gone kind of downhill. I allowed myself to fall back into old habits, old ways of thinking, old excuses - and I even fell back into resorting to cutting for wanting to feel in control. And that, was wrong.
The man who spoke taught on grace and God's faithfulness. Two themes that have run very deep within my life for the past half year at least. The things he said were speaking to my heart in such a revolutionary way - Jesus placed me in the right place at the right time.
While he was talking, I realized something. Even though I felt as though I had failed, that I possibly fell back and destroyed my delieverance, I knew that I hadn't. How? Well, it wasn't because I wasn't struggling with feeling as though I was struggling with depression again. It was because of the evidence that I am no longer a "roller-coaster" Christian. In the past, I would get excited about things, pumped up by circumstances or events. But that excitement soon died for one reason or another. Now, though, when things happen in my spiritual life that I get excited about, the excitement, the fervor, sticks. It doesn't fade away. And God was showing me that because of this so-obvious evidence, I have not fallen back. That I am still free.
At the end of the talk, they had a time open for people who wanted prayer. While a guy played guitar, the man who spoke stood and prayed for each person who came up. After the first few people, I felt like I should go up to him; not only that, I knew I needed to. I needed to.
And so, I did. When I first went up there, the presence of God was strong. So strong, in fact, that I felt like crying. Then the man began praying for me. And what he said - my God, what he said - was exactly from You. It was exactly from my Father. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
Some of the most vital things that he said, were these:
"Don't forget what you've been delievered from."
"Keep moving forward - don't fall backward."
"Stay in the will of God."
"Let praise come out of my mouth."
I couldn't hold back the tears. When he finished praying, I headed back to my seat, and let the tears fall even more freely. My sister, who was sitting next to me, rubbed my back as I sobbed. As always, my Father proved to yet again be faithful as He always is. My Father spoke to me exactly what I needed to hear, at the right time that I needed to hear it.
I was encouraged. I was reminded that He knows me. I was comforted to hear His direct words being spoken to me.
I tell you, after having a lack of good, solid Christian fellowship and encouragement for a little over a month, it was good to be back in such an environment as that. I am so grateful that God can work through whomever He choses to speak to His children. That in the place when I felt the most weak, the most discouraged, the most lost, He reminded me that He knows me, is looking out for me, and loves me.
And I tell you, that is the most amazing thing in the world.
"If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself."
- 2 Timothy 2.13
Monday 25 April 2011
A New Record
I have been up since 9:30 a.m. on Sunday (April 25th).
Hello new record. Here's to hoping you never have to be broken. :P
Hello new record. Here's to hoping you never have to be broken. :P
Saturday 23 April 2011
Pressing Questions
I hate to admit it, but sometimes my lack of confidence gets the better of me.
At times, there are different questions that plague my mind - questions that I wish I could ask and get an honest answer, but am too scared to ask because I don't want to frighten people off.
There are the usual questions such as:
"Why do people spend time with me?"
"What do people see in me that causes them to want to build a relationship with me?"
"Why do people appreciate my friendship?"
...and other such questions.
But, in the case of one person in particular:
"Why do you say you love me?"
"Do you tell all of your newly acquired friends that you love them as often as you tell me you love me?"
"Why do you bother spending so much time in communication with me? Do you have other friends that you spend as much time communicating with as you do with me?"
...and other such questions.
Oh, don't get me wrong though. I love that person very dearly. But I am sorely tempted to ask them those questions...and I would too, if I didn't think it had the potential of making things awkward or scare them off. And despite the impression of the questions, the relationship I have with that person consists of one sibling keeping in touch with another.
Also, don't misunderstand me. When I meet people - depending on how I can act around them after observing them for a while - I'm rather quick to tell them how much they mean to me. I do state "I love you" to them. But I haven't yet met another person who is like that...I've met some similar, but the person I'm referring to in this case doesn't appear to be that way...at least with others. I suppose that is part of the reason for my questions. Then again, I am not around to observe them all the time, so I could be wrong.
Also, don't misunderstand me. When I meet people - depending on how I can act around them after observing them for a while - I'm rather quick to tell them how much they mean to me. I do state "I love you" to them. But I haven't yet met another person who is like that...I've met some similar, but the person I'm referring to in this case doesn't appear to be that way...at least with others. I suppose that is part of the reason for my questions. Then again, I am not around to observe them all the time, so I could be wrong.
Back when I was in high school, there were a few times when I asked friends of mine (both school-chums and out-of-school-chums) what they really thought of me. If my memory serves me correctly, not a single person ever answered me. They either avoided the question or pretended they didn't hear it.
I still wonder at that question. In fact, I wish I could ask every person I know three questions:
"What do you really think of me?"
"What was your first impression of me?"
"Why are you my friend?"
Yes, I am aware that those questions reveal my insecurity. And, for the most part, they're more out of curiosity than need-to-know. In high school, the first one plagued me and practically drove me crazy. I could not fathom why people were friends with me. I still wonder, but not at such a high level of intensity. I don't bother to question why people are friends with me: it does no good wondering at a question that will probably never be answered. But even more so, friendships - as much as I love and value them - do not take such a high level of priority in my life as they once did.
I recall when I used to wonder at a question in regards to my friendship with one or more peoples so much, that it would drive me crazy (to borrow the colloquialism). Finally, as a product of thinking and wondering about it too much, I would ask the question. Sometimes it was answered, sometimes not. I then learned, that I like to beat around the bush in order to find out something I was wondering. Otherwise, by holding it in and not being blunt, my sanity would begin to slip away from me.
Ah, at any rate, these are some of the many thoughts that have entered my mind today. Random? Maybe to you. Highly probable for me. But you'd have to hear my thoughts in order to know the sequence of what I was thinking in order to lead me to what I have just informed you of.
That's all for now.
I recall when I used to wonder at a question in regards to my friendship with one or more peoples so much, that it would drive me crazy (to borrow the colloquialism). Finally, as a product of thinking and wondering about it too much, I would ask the question. Sometimes it was answered, sometimes not. I then learned, that I like to beat around the bush in order to find out something I was wondering. Otherwise, by holding it in and not being blunt, my sanity would begin to slip away from me.
Ah, at any rate, these are some of the many thoughts that have entered my mind today. Random? Maybe to you. Highly probable for me. But you'd have to hear my thoughts in order to know the sequence of what I was thinking in order to lead me to what I have just informed you of.
That's all for now.
Friday 22 April 2011
"Lucky"
"Lucky"
Do you hear me? I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooh ooh ooh
They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning 'round
You hold me right here, right now
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh, ooh
I heard this song as a duet between Chord Overstreet and Dianna Agron. I liked the simplicity of the style that I heard. But even more, I really liked the lyrics.
Granted, this could be seen as a really mushy, romantic-hopelessness kind of a song. And it very much has that potential. Thinking about it though, someday, if God ever has it in His will for me to get married, I wouldn't mind singing this as a duet with my husband on our wedding day.
I believe that God has a great plan for my life. When He created me, He fashioned it so there are things in His will that He knows I am the best person to address whatever comes up. And knowing that I can't ever be replaced is a nice thing to be aware of.
I know that I have a lot of areas to mature in before I'm ready for marriage. I know that I have a lot to improve on in my own life before I'm even ready for a relationship. But I do believe that God has someone out there for me. I haven't met them yet, but I know that as long as I continue to follow God and stay in His will, He will end up bringing along the person He's chosen for me.
And I believe that when I meet that person, they, over time, will end up becoming my best friend. God knows what I desire in a spouse, and (not to sound conceited or anything), I believe He'll bring along a gentleman who goes beyond what I desire. And our relationship will be penned by the Author of romance Himself. And when that day, in the distant future, comes, I'll be "lucky" (or blessed) to be in love with my best friend.
Do you hear me? I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooh ooh ooh
They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning 'round
You hold me right here, right now
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh, ooh
I heard this song as a duet between Chord Overstreet and Dianna Agron. I liked the simplicity of the style that I heard. But even more, I really liked the lyrics.
Granted, this could be seen as a really mushy, romantic-hopelessness kind of a song. And it very much has that potential. Thinking about it though, someday, if God ever has it in His will for me to get married, I wouldn't mind singing this as a duet with my husband on our wedding day.
I believe that God has a great plan for my life. When He created me, He fashioned it so there are things in His will that He knows I am the best person to address whatever comes up. And knowing that I can't ever be replaced is a nice thing to be aware of.
I know that I have a lot of areas to mature in before I'm ready for marriage. I know that I have a lot to improve on in my own life before I'm even ready for a relationship. But I do believe that God has someone out there for me. I haven't met them yet, but I know that as long as I continue to follow God and stay in His will, He will end up bringing along the person He's chosen for me.
And I believe that when I meet that person, they, over time, will end up becoming my best friend. God knows what I desire in a spouse, and (not to sound conceited or anything), I believe He'll bring along a gentleman who goes beyond what I desire. And our relationship will be penned by the Author of romance Himself. And when that day, in the distant future, comes, I'll be "lucky" (or blessed) to be in love with my best friend.
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